close to 4 hrs....

an unforgettable (almost) 4 hrs with Toma in Tokyo~

2008-12-18T22:09:00.001-08:00

[xmas in tokyo... credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/56012643@N00/66117790/]

[----> oh, here's the mini "dictionary" you'll need. a list of japanese words/phrases i used and what they mean~ HERE!

also~ if u want to post a comment 4 me, please post it at the end of this post or at the cbox back at TL! but pls don't post any "spoilers"! thanks. =P

**** WARNING: IT MIGHT TAKE YOU
AROUND 2HRS+ TO READ THE WHOLE THING!! **** ]

[feb.1,2010 edit: i have written a 2nd fanfic that continues this story!! u can read it here: http://dec22wemeetagain.blogspot.com/]

[feel free to alter this setting and conversation to your liking/so it better suits you! because most of u and i cannot speak japanese, this has to be written in english, though of course u know toma can barely speak it/understand it in real life. just pretend that u're speaking japanese, but i've translated it to english. ALSO, I'VE WRITTEN EVERYTHING IN FIRST PERSON, so maybe it can feel more real to you this way. =) i know it had that effect on me, at least!! =P]

date & time: MONDAY, december 22, at 3:19pm JST

weather: some showers, with periods of bright sun & beautiful white fluffy clouds, 9°C (48°F), humidity: 81%, Visibility: Unlimited, Wind: calm, Sunrise: 6:48 am and Sunset: 4:33 pm [btw, this is really close to how the weather is RIGHT NOW, as i am writing. sugoi!!]

[credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/chenta/970742423/]

location: a small CD/DVD store somewhere in shibuya, tokyo. it might look something like the store in the pic above or this: http://www.flickr.com/photos/telyre/2524314091/ , (inside of book-off, manga floor: http://www.flickr.com/photos/hiromy/1649686218/)

(i know about the huge HMV and Tower Records in shibuya, but i think toma would probably avoid those places...except if he thinks he'll blend in with the crowd or he's not worried about ppl recognizing him...anyway, i prefer a small & quiet place to the huge, flashy & loud places that belong to those giant corporations. i know Book-off is also a huge place, but at least the atmosphere inside resembles the quietness of a library, almost, since they mostly sell books/manga...)

YOU (yes, you! ^_^): u are wearing something pretty and warm, yet not too thick and bulky. a few layers of clothes on...and a thick hooded jacket maybe. u have a nice soft scarf (toma likes seeing girls in scarfs or soft/fluffy clothing!) and gloves, too. but of course, u don't have yr gloves on while in the cd store. AND if u look nice in those knee-high boots and just-above the knee skirts, then imagine yourself wearing something like that. haha~ it's a cute look, plus u know toma loves seeing girls' knees. but keep in mind, YOU WILL BE FREEZING in that outfit, in this weather! lol. but then again, i have seen pics of women in japan wearing that kinda thing in cold weather, they just wear thick coats on top...

ALSO, You are feeling particularly confident, pretty, and cool today. =)

TOMA: he is feeling particularly happy and friendly today. haha... he is wearing a cool black & white t-shirt & faded, dark blue jeans, with a thick jacket and sneakers...kinda like this, but maybe with a not so conspicuous jacket! or something like in H&C, in the xmas episode. (i imagine he'd be wearing glasses and a hat too, but then again, i would like to see toma without glasses & a hat, so....it's up to you! in my mind, he doesn't have glasses & a hat on, though.)
[EDIT: u can watch the commercials 4 VOICE now and think of him wearing 1 of those warm winter outfits!! =) http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=voice+ikuta+toma+cm&search=Search]

......................... background story:

somehow, you were able to make it here! here u are in tokyo, on christmas vacation! u are traveling with a good friend. you have been here a couple days, and you have been looking for toma everywhere you go in tokyo, but u have not seen him. not even any other JE guy. (sigh!) well, u're already happy to be here, what with all the beautiful christmas decorations...the malls...the food, are all amazing. and there's still so many places u want to see, but u have to be careful not to spend too much money...u need it to last till dec. 26, your last day here. anyway, you have accepted the fact that you will not see toma in public this time.

it's true what they say...once u stop looking for love/toma, it/he will appear~ little did u know you would meet him in a small CD store in Shibuya!

KEY:
T=Toma and m=me (you!)
ANYTHING WRITTEN IN ALL CAPS MEANS YOU'RE SHOUTING!
ANYTHING WRITTEN IN [ ] DESCRIBES THE SITUATION,
ANYTHING WRITTEN IN ( ) MEANS YOU'RE THINKING IT.

.....................................................................(start-o!):

december 22, 3:19 p.m.
[at a small, inconspicuous CD/DVD store somewhere in shibuya. it's a little crowded in there. i have been looking at cds for a while...now i am looking at DVDs...i found it! the honey and clover DVD set. though i didn't like this drama much, and it's quite expensive, but i still can't resist buying it... it has sentimental value to me~ ne. and i really love takemoto-kun~ ne.]:

m: [holding the dvd box] found it!

[a guy walks right by, behind me and crouches down to get a CD on the shelf, a couple feet to the right of me. i catch a whiff of his nice fragrance and glance at him.

...gahhh!!
@__@ i can't believe my eyes!!!
that~ guy~!
he looks a lot like toma!!!

i look at the cover of the dvd box, at the smiling takemoto/toma.
i look back at him (he is choosing CDs, he doesn't see me looking at him).
i look back at the cover!
i look back at him!!
cover, him, cover, him!! like that~!

there's no mistake, it's definitely him!!
(*imagine takemoto's awed looked when he saw hagumi 4 the first time. this is my expression right now*) though his hair is barely styled and he's in casual clothes and he looks just a little thinner than on tv (oh, i mean on the computer screen), but-- ]

m: (in a whisper, barely audible) ka~wa~ii.

T: [looks up and sees me looking at him. i have been looking at him for a couple minutes now, but he has just noticed right now.]

m: (kyaaa!!! IT'S TOMA. HE'S EVEN CUTER IN PERSON!!!
OMG! RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.
HE'S LOOKING! AT~ ME~!!!
he is SOOOOOO cuuuuuute.)

[**this is happening in slow motion...i feel like takemoto when he first saw hagu.♥ i suddenly hear a sweet love song playing: ____________(pick a song u like! kate's version: The Click Five's Empty!) Toma stands up and slightly nods, smiling politely at me. he is holding a CD in one hand. i feel my heartbeat quickening and feel my face getting warm, but i am frozen in place...i can't seem to move or talk or anything. the two of us stand there looking at each other for a moment. it could have only been a couple seconds, but i feel as if time has stopped! i will remember this moment forever...everything else seems to fade away and i imagine that toma and i are where hagumi and takemoto were, in a beautiful rain of pink cherry blossom petals....]

[the little bell on the door rings. some1 just walked in the store.]

m: [the bell disturbs my fantasy and i realize i'm listening to my mp3 player. i stop the song, take out the earphones, put it away in my small shoulder bag that hangs to my side. xD and i manage to smile back at him.]

(say something!! quick!! say you're his big fan, u like him, u love hana kimi, he was amazing in maou...anything!!)

[but nothing comes out. my mouth has stopped working! i'm speechless. i have no speech.* and toma walks past me, towards the cash register.]

m: [clutching the dvd box, looking at his back as he's walking away]
(baka!!!! why didn't you say anything?! ...should i try to talk to him again? he's gonna leave as soon as it's his turn. there is some1 buying something. he's next!!)

[i quickly walk over and stand right behind him. amazingly, no one else recognizes him or maybe they do, but don't want to bother him. i don't care. "i came all this way, i don't know if i'm ever gonna see him again...I LOVE HIM!! I'M GONNA BOTHER HIM!" lol. i'm already so proud of myself for not fainting or screaming when seeing him. but then...i am still too scared/shocked to say anything...

standing this close to him...he smells so nice...and his hair is really so perfect!! really full, soft...i want to touch it, but of course i don't. the cashier, a middle-aged man, is ringing up some CDs for a woman, then it'll be toma's turn.

m: (quick, say something!! what should i say?? ano... umm... "doumo!" is good. that's easy. i can do that. ok, on three. just tap him on the shoulder and say "doumo!" ok, ready? one...two...three!)

[silence. my hand is suspended over his shoulder....]

m: (come on! ...1...2...3!)

[more silence. deafening silence! my hand is still suspended over his shoulder....the lady is done. she leaves and toma moves forward to buy his CD. i quickly pull back my hand!]

m: (DAAAAAAMN ITTTT!! too late! x_x )

[toma reaches in his back pocket to get his wallet. it's not there. he checks his other pockets. he can't find it!]

T: nai..nai...NAI! [getting frustrated, quickly checking all his pockets, including his jacket's]

cashier: eh??

T: [in an embarassed, quiet voice] gomenasai, i forgot my wallet at home! could you save it for me? i'll come back to buy it a couple hours later. it's the last one~ the limited edition of ______________! ONEGAISHIMAS! [mmm, make up your own title and choose any of his fav bands/singers. if u dunno, i listed some of his fav artists here--
http://ikutatomalove.blogspot.com/2008/08/tomaliciouss-1st-toma-b-day-project.html
preferably choose one that u also like. in kate's version it's: 'In the Year 2009' by the backstreet boys. FYI: they ARE gonna release a new CD in 2009! hehe~]

cashier: mmm...sorry. we can't do that. why don't u go home now and come back and buy it?

T: i have to meet a friend soon to watch a play together. i can't go back now. i'll be late. onegaishimas! [bowing, with his hands pressed together in that "please help me"/praying gesture] please help me, i really really want to buy this CD!

cashier: sorry. come back later, it might still be here. [takes the CD, getting ready to go put it back on the shelf]

T: (sigh!)

m: [looking up, skyward, smiling]
(^_^ thank you, God, for giving me this 2nd chance!!)
chotto, chotto. [move up, to the right of toma, and reach out 1 hand to hold onto the CD the cashier is holding] ...i'll pay for him.

[toma, the cashier, look at me, surprised looks on their faces]

both: eh?

m: i'll pay for ikuta-san. [i'm so proud of myself for somehow remaining calm!! TOMA LOVE must have energized me, i really need that power~♥ at this moment!]

T: [confused] iie, i can't let u pay for me. i don't know you... [he then notices i'm holding the hachikuro dvd] ah, u must be a fan? [smiles]

m: hai! [nodding quickly] ("u must be a fan?" that's certainly the understatement of the year!) [in a determined voice--] onegaishimas. let me help you.

T: dame desu... [shaking his head] thank you, but... [yet he is still looking longingly at the CD. the cashier moves to put the CD back, but i'm still holding on to it. the cashier is getting kinda annoyed.]

m: [really emphatic] ikuta-san, it's the last limited edition! [toma wavers...] u can pay me back later! [i grab the CD f/him, putting it back on the counter]

T: [hesitant]...ii deska? ano... [looks at the CD again] iiyo. arigatou gozaimas!

m: (yatta!!) [smile at toma] iie!
[i put the h&C dvd on the counter, too.]

cashier: [rings up both, and i pay him] thank you.

[he hands me the small bag. toma & i say our thank you's 2 him & i take the bag. toma and i walk towards the front door of the store. *___* i'm feeling lightheaded and almost as if i'm walking on air!! but i'm trying hard to act natural. toma opens the door 4 me and i thank/nod at him and walk out first.

[i took this photo just a few days ago!! a day after it rained...]

december 22, 3:24 p.m.
COLD! [it's about 48 degrees F (9 degrees C) outside.*IF THIS IS NOT COLD TO YOU, IMAGINE THE TEMP. TO BE LOWER. =) ] the sudden gust of cold air hits me like a slap in the face^^^ as if saying "GIRL, u know u gotta snap out of it!! calm down, for god's sake! or else you'll scare him off!" and i do feel a little calmer in the cold air. haha.

us two are now standing right outside, on the sidewalk. it's so cold, but i feel so warm next to toma. but luckily it's so cold out, or else my face would be beet red! my heart has at least calmed down. it was raining earlier, but now the skies have cleared up a lot and i can see some beautiful white fluffy clouds floating among some grey ones in a wonderfully blue winter sky. and the sun is shining brightly. i am temporarily mesmerized by the beautiful sky and thinking how great it is that the rain has stopped at this important moment...AH, THAT'S RIGHT, TOMA IS REALLY A GOOD-LOOKING SUNSHINE BOY!! WHEREVER HE GOES, THE RAIN WILL STOP & IT'LL BECOME SUNNY!! SUGOI!! then toma says something--]

T: [cheerfully] kire de na!

[i look over at him. he is also looking at the sky, smiling.]

m: desu ne!
[both of us admire the sky for a moment, watching the clouds slowly drift by...then toma turns to me and holds out his hand]

T: [smiling in a friendly way~] Hajimemashite. ikuta toma des.

m: [also smiling] yes, i know. _______________(your last name, first name) des. yoroshiku onegaishimas. but u can call me ________(yr first name)-chan!

[i hesitantly reach out my hand to shake his hand...our hands touch!! he shakes my hand firmly, but not too firmly. just right...toma's touch♥ makes me feel a little weak in the knees... then he pulls back his hand and sticks them in his jean pockets. again, it's cold out!]

T: [looking at the cd bag] ano....

m: [looking down at the bag, too] eh.... (that's right...what should we do...)

T: [thinks for a little bit] ja~ what if i borrow money from my friend to pay you back? i will see him soon.

m: ok! but really, u don't have to pay me back. i would be more than happy to give it to you!

T: iie, i will pay u back... [grateful/apologetic, bowing--] doumo arigatou gozaimasu! sorry to bother you.

m: iie. (*liar!* it's expensive! well, it is about twice as expensive as a cd f/my country. [CDs in japan cost ~3000+ yen = 33.59 US dollars] but it's so so worth it to be able to talk to toma! no no, i should be thanking YOU, TOMA-KUN!! ~_~)

ano...can i ask u something?

T: nani? [4 some reason, toma's "nani" always sounds so cute/sweet to me!! this time is no different!♥]

m: (hesitant) could i call u... toma-kun?

T: ...iiyo. (smiles)

m: (sugoi!! ^_^) thank you...toma-kun! (ahhh~ i love how the words sound when spoken outloud, and to toma himself!) [seeing him not have a bag to keep the cd in--] i'll keep your CD in my bag for now, so u don't have to hold the bag.

T: eh. thank you.[nodding]

m: [suddenly! just can't hold it in anymore!] toma-kun, daisuki!!♥
(i said it!! i'm so proud of myself!! ~_~)

T: [modestly/embarassed/shyly] mmm... arigatou gozaimas. i'm really grateful...
[i knew this would be his reply. i'm just glad he's not too shocked when hearing me say this! he must get this a lot, f/ his fans or fanmail, after all.]

m: soshite... [i put the cd bag in my shoulder bag but take out the dvd box and hold it out to toma with both hands] onegaishimas!

T: ah, wakata.
[he holds the dvd box and i quickly hand him a black pen for him to sign it. he signs it neatly in the bottom right corner, next to his pic. ~_~ then he hands both back to me.]

m: thank you! [i put them away and take out a small red envelope. it's a christmas card & letter for him! i had prepared it before my trip, just in case i see toma, i'd give it to him. if not, i'd send it to his JE address. =) it's in japanese. it has all the most important things i wanna say to him (you're my hero, i love you, you're so talented, u make this world more beautiful, thank u 4 yr hard work, u make us more happy than u'll ever know! continue to gambatte, etc.!), my address, my email, my rented cell phone number (added that after i got here. most cellphones f/foreign countries will not work in japan, or it's expensive to use in japan!!), my picture, and
____________________________
________________________
_____________________________(whatever other stuff u would want to put in there).

i hand him the envelope w/both hands.]

this is for you. ...it's not a tarot card!

T: (laughs) ah~ arigatou gozaimas! [smiles & pouts in a cute way~ he takes it, looks at it, notices it's kinda thick, then puts it in his jacket's deep pocket.] ma, we have to walk around 15 minutes to reach aoyama theatre. i'm meeting my friend there to watch a play together.

m: wakata. [nodding]

T: [cheerfully] ja, ikimashou!

m: hai! [i quickly put my _______(yr fav color) gloves back on and we start walking. the streets are not crowded, but also not too empty...it's in between...where u can feel comfortable enough walking around... it's not too noisy, it's not too quiet. it's just perfect. =)]

walking next to him, with the pretty xmas decorations around...it all feels soooooo unreal and as if i'm dreaming!! even though it's not nighttime yet and the lights R not on, everything is so beautifully decorated. and it's still quite sunny. the warm & bright sunlight helps make the cold more bearable...though walking beside toma, i almost don't notice the cold air anymore!]

m: ano...u have a day off from filming for Voice today?

T: hai. i'm really lucky, this time, again, i have a really interesting and challenging role...i'm really looking forward to the results. [smiling at me] yoroshiku onegaishimas~

m: i will definitely watch it!! i'm really looking forward to it! gambatte!

T: hai. gambarimas! [he makes that cute "gambatte" hand gesture where he makes a fist w/1 hand and pulls it down...like here!]

T: [turns to look at me] ne... where are you from?

m: i'm from __________(your city & country). i'm here on holiday. koko ga daisuki des! i always wanted to spend xmas in tokyo!

T: ii ne...hounto? i'm surprised! i didn't think i'd have a fan so far away f/japan, all the way in _________ (your country)!

m: [really hyper, saying it all really fast!]
it's true! you have fans all around the world, both girls and guys, of all ages, of all colors! many don't even speak japanese!
YOU MUST KNOW~ there are many people on this world that will always love you and support you, toma-kun! i've been your fan for only ______(# of years/months u've been his fan), but there are some very devoted fans from many different countries that have made forums and fansites about you!

the one i like most is called tomalicious. it's in english. and they translate your news and lots more so fans who can't speak japanese can understand!! they are so nice and really love you! i talked about it and included the links in my letter for you. they even had a big birthday project for you where your fans from around the world sent postcards/letters/pictures to them to gather and give to you for your birthday this year!! did you receive it??

T: [taking it all in, everything i just said...really surprised/happy, with a happy/shocked look] maji des?! ahhhh~ ureshii nee. tomalicious ne? please say thank you to them for me! i have not received it...ummm...maybe it is still at the JE building or something...

m: well, if u go to their website, in the Latest News section, they have posted up pics of all the postcards, letters, photos sent in by fans! also, u must see what kate & many fans from different countries made for your birthday! there are almost 500 hearts there for you! i have also included the link in my letter. kate also sent u 3 b-day cards with letters! she is very cool, she shares your news, pics, etc. with fans and writes about u a lot. she also set up a blog where fans can leave messages for you!! [in my version, i would not call myself cool, of course. haha. and toma would thank me directly for doing this...he would also say he's really grateful & happy to meet such a devoted fan!]

T: [really happy/humble] souka souka. suuugoi! kito~ ikemas. i'll remember to go to all the links u gave me. ahh~ kate-chan? i have seen her blogs. my brother was searching for fansites about me for fun and he found them and showed me. please also thank her for me! my brother still goes there sometimes, though he can't really read english either.

really? i haven't seen her letter yet. i get so much fanmail each month. i am only able to read some of them when i am free....most are in some really big boxes in my house. i don't think i'll be able to read it all until i'm old and retired! [laughs loudly --ahh, i love hearing his laughter!!] ....[smiling, really touched]...really...i'm really grateful to all my fans! for all their love, encouragement, and support!! in my next entry [for tomagoto, his blog], i'll remember to say thank you to all my fans. something like "to all my fans, whether u are in japan or far away, ARIGATOU~ MINNA-CHAN!" is that good?
[for obvious reasons, toma cannot leave thank u messages at fansites, cuz then all the other fansites will also ask him to write them something...also, maybe JE has rules that prevent him f/interacting w/fans in this way...]

m: [really happy/hyper] suuuugeh!!

T: [smiles, purses his lips and looks straight at me, saying in a serious/sweet/cute voice] really, thank you for telling me ne~

m: (kyaaaaaa! kakkoiiiiii!♥ *__* he is such a nice person, he really cares about his fans!)

[i am about to say you're welcome, when toma grabs my left arm and pulls me to one side!! i almost walked into a pole, i was so lost in his eyes!! lol. but my right foot has already banged into that pole.]

(iiteh!!)

T: daijoubu?

m: [embarassed & hurt, i pretend it's ok and smile] daijobu! daijobu!
(baka!!)

[toma has an amused/flattered look on his face, knowing i did that cuz i was looking at him. then we continue walking...i look at my arm where toma touched me just now and smile to myself...

suddenly my cellphone rings. the ringtone is _____________(either it's an audio clip of naoto saying something or it's arashi's Truth. kate's version: truth~ arashi). both of us stop walking and i quickly get my phone f/my shoulder bag.]

m: [to toma] ah, sumimasen. [flip it open & answer the phone] hello?

december 22, 3:31 p.m.

[toma waits patiently next to me. it's my friend, __________(yr friend's name). we are on vacation here together, but she's clothes shopping in harajuku. she's calling to tell me something totally not important! ah, her timing is terrible! (we are speaking in english or _________ [whatever language u prefer]) [U CAN CHANGE THIS CONVERSATION IF U WANT. JUST INCLUDE SOMEWHERE IN IT THAT SHE WANTS 2 GO SEE THE TOKYO TOWER LATER. =) ]:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

her: hey, it's me.
m: hi. what's up?
her: guess what?
m: what?
her: [hyper/loudly--] THERE'S SOOOO MANY COOL CLOTHING SHOPS HERE!! YOU SHOULD'VE COME WITH ME! I SAW SO MUCH CLOTHES THAT I LIKED, BUT I COULD ONLY BUY SOME OF THEM! I LOVE IT HERE! NEXT TIME--
m: [interrupting] WHY are you yelling at me, i'm right here! your voice gets so high-pitched when u talk so loud, too!
her: [lowers her voice] sorry. ...now why do u gotta go there? u know i hate it when ppl say my voice is high!
me: sorry, sorry. your voice is delightful, it's vivacious! melodic, even! =P
her: shutty! [shut up!]
me: [laughs]
her: ANYWAY...i thought of what we can do tonight: go see the tokyo tower!
m: oh, good idea! i wanna see it at night too. we've only gone 2 see it during the day so far.

[toma is looking around, looking bored. i gotta wrap this up!]

her: so, tonight, i'll meet you there around 7, and we'll get something to eat, too. sound good?
m: cool. [quickly--] well, i'll see you lat--
her: [interrupts me] but, here's the thing... i kind of spent too much money shopping today...
m: ok, ok, i'll pay for dinner today, we don't have to split it this time.
her: ah, thanks!! i knew u wouldn't mind!
[come to think of it, why am i paying for everyone today?? lol.]
m: yeah yeah. ok, bye b-
her: [interrupts again] wait wait, i wanna tell u something funny that happened to me today after we had lunch--
m: i wanna hear it (liar! =P), but tell me tonight, ok? [...suddenly remember that--] it'll get expensive if we talk too long!
her: right, right! sorry, i forgot! well then--
m: [interrupts her, real quickly--] gotta go, bye!

[and just to make sure, i turn off the phone be4 putting it away. whew! i love her, but she can sure talk a lot! she's not a toma fan, she wouldn't understand... really!! wasting my precious time like that! ok, back to fan mode...and...i'm back! :) ]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

m: gomen! atashi no tomadachi...

T: no problem. [he says it in eng. :) ] [we continue walking]
ano...u really like Maou, ne? your ringtone...

m: hai! toma-kun, u were brilliant as naoto!! it's my favorite drama of this year! but of course my favorite drama with u in it is hana kimi!! i love nakatsu the most!

T: [happy/humble] ahh~ thank you, thank you. i really had fun filming hana kimi. it was an unforgettable summer ne. and maou...was very challenging but i'm really proud of the outcome!

m: [in a quiet voice] i cried at the end of hana kimi, hachikuro and maou!

T: [looking at me] hounto? gomen. mmm...i did too...[embarassed]

m: [looking down at my feet...i can't look at him while saying this...& in a sincere, quiet voice--] toma-kun...seeing you cry...it makes me cry too. u are so incredibly talented! whether it's acting in dramas or plays, singing, dancing...you are the best! soshite~~ HOUNTO kawaii~

[then i manage to glance at him]

T: [looking very embarassed/happy~/humble] iie... [stutters a little] d-, demou, g-, gambarimas~~ arigatou gozaimas! i'm really grateful for your support! [& he nods & smiles sweetly at me]

m: (ahhhhhhh~ tomaaaaaaa!!♥)

[i can't help staring at him, and he quickly, shyly looks away. if it wasn't so cold, i'd be sure, but i'd swear... he was blushing...i trip on a pebble that i didn't see, cuz i was staring at him. toma helps stop me from falling down by holding me around both shoulders!]

T: daijoubu?

m: [embarassed, steadying myself] uh...hai! hai! thank you.

T: [in a kinda concerned way~] ah, be careful ne. i don't know if i'll be able to help u in time, the next time, if u keep this up!

december 22, 3:34 p.m.
[he has not let go of me yet and time seems to freeze again in that moment!! (though it probably only lasted a couple of seconds) i look up at him and remember how naoto so touchingly promised shiori "i'll definitely protect you."♥ my heart immediately beats faster. my cheeks feel warm ... with his arms around me...i don't feel cold at all. i'm not cold at all...

i imagine us in a beautiful white snowy park, during the afternoon, sitting on a bench. with the snow gently falling...the soft blanket of snow on the trees and everything else...no one else is around. we are sitting close together, i am kinda leaning my head on his shoulder. toma is hugging me tightly to keep me warm. and i'm also holding on to his arms around me...ahhhhhh~ ♥ "If you really love me, all you have to do is to hug me tightly."[that is a line from Simple Love. i'm hearing miriam's song, Simple Love, in my mind... u can pick your own song 4 this moment!!]

toma looks down at me, looking at him. our eyes meet and for a couple seconds, i almost think it could be possible!! could he... possibly... like me?? even just a little??? it's not impossible...i'm kinda kawaii... Then toma nervously swallows, looks away and lets go of me, all at once. we both look in different directions, both embarassed...]

m: [cold weather + being nervous is a cruel combination! plus, i drank a lot of water be4 going to the CD store. and i suddenly say--] i need to go to the restroom! [also, i need to calm down, check how red my face is...]

T: oh...u can go in there. (pointing to a small cafe just ahead)

m: i'll be right back! [run towards the cafe]

T: ah. [continues walking]

m: [looking back] please wait for me!

T. oos!

m: [i reach the cafe. it's warm inside. there's not much ppl there. i quickly go towards the restrooms. i'm so out of it that i almost go in the men's room, before noticing the male stick figure picture on the door and stopping myself in time!! lol. i quickly go in the women's room. it's a surprisingly big and clean one. i go, then wash my hands. looking in the mirror, my cheeks are still kinda pink. i fix my tousled hair (f/running) and check to see if everything is ok with my face, clothes...i splash some cold water on my face. looking at the mirror--] (sigh!) toma-kun, you're out of reach, but you're so close*****...no no no no. you've gotta stay calm, _______ (yr name)! cut it out! who do you think you are?! he's ikuta toma!! you're _______________(yr full name)!!** he's been in showbiz since he was 11!! he's famous & incredibly talented, you're not. he's unbelievably good-looking. you're not. it's definitely not possible. just accept reality and be happy with the little time u can spend with him! you're right. (nodding) now...(calmly) JUST ACT NORMALLY, JUST BE YOURSELF, OK? ...ok. [nodding, with a determined look...i look at my watch. uh oh, i shouldn't keep him waiting...]

[i open the door and go out. i see toma coming out from the men's restroom on the other side.]

T: [smiles in that CUTE way where he is almost pouting] ready to go?

m: ready! [and i really am ready--i'm determined to stay calm from now...]
sorry to keep you waiting!

T: daijobu. [smiles in a cute way again.] (good grief, this is gonna be super difficult, acting natural when i'm with HIM. aiyaaaa...why are you making this so extremely hard for me, toma?? you're killing me... you're just too nice and cute!)

[this time, i rush ahead and open the door for toma. =) he nods "thank you" and we go out. we continue walking in the cold. the sun has started moving down a little nearer to the horizon...it's not as bright as before... i put on my gloves and pull my scarf closer around my neck.

we walk in silence for around few minutes. toma seems to be walking a little slower than before and seems like he's thinking about something...i think to myself: "ahhh he can be so mysterious, when he is quiet & has a serious look on his face." ~_~ ...then a man walks by, reeking of cigarette smoke.]

m: [quickly cover my nose & mouth and cough a little, whispering sarcastically--]
who are u, the Cigarette Smoking Man?? [the infamous bad guy f/The X-files show]

T: [noticing me glaring at the man who is too far to hear us now]
u don't like people who smoke, huh?

m: (uh oh. toma smokes!!) [awkwardly--] uh...ano...that's not it...it's up to you if you want to smoke or not...who am i to tell someone what to do... though it's really bad for your health and second-hand smoke... [then i remember what i promised myself just now.] actually...yes, i really do hate smokers! i don't understand why anyone would want to poison themself like this?!

T: [hesitantly] actually...i smoked. but i'm quitting.

m: [surprised/really happy] ehhh?? hounto? nande?

T: [matter of fact-ly, nodding] ah. it's because while filming maou, i had to run a lot...i got so tired. i noticed the days that i didn't have time to smoke, i would have more energy. and after all, my mom and some of my friends have told me many times that i should quit...so i have been trying. since november, after i was done with Grease. danny smokes so... [proudly] but it's been nearly a month that i have not smoked a single cigarette! now i can have more money to buy CDs and DVDs! [laughs~♥ I LOVE HEARING HIM LAUGH!! ahhhhhh~]

m: [really happy :)] ah, sou deska? yokata!! please keep going, i believe in you!

T: [happily pouts (*kyaaaa!!* ~_~), modestly--] thank u, thank u. gambarimas!! ...but now i'm addicted to that energy drink. [laughs]

m: [concerned] Red Bull?? toma-kun, those are full of caffeine & sugar and really addictive! they can be bad for your heart if u drink too much!

T: ehh? ...i have heard some people say that...have to try to drink less then... [with that~] ah, we're here!

[we are standing in front of the big aoyama theatre. there's not much ppl around. toma was here just last month for the Grease play! how i wish i could've been here to watch it! =/ there's a strange, big silver sculpture in front [pic below, credit: http://www.sunnypages.jp/travel_guide/tokyo_entertainment/theaters/Aoyama+Theater/1866# ] Also, check at the LJ pages of the fans that talked about seeing Grease there, they have some nice pics of the theatre:

http://community.livejournal.com/ikuta_toma/276570.html#cutid1
http://nyonyo.livejournal.com/408870.html
also, some nice pics of the inside of the theatre (the seats) here:
http://www.tomalicious.com/home/ (the Latest News section)]

december 22, 3:44 p.m.
m: [a bit sadly] sou desu ne.
[it's sad. =( toma's friend will be here soon, he'll pay me back, and we'll part ways.]

[i somewhat grudgingly sit down on the what-do-u-call-it...the small brick wall on the front right side of the theatre that encloses the dirt area for the neatly cut, rectangular dark green shrubs. toma sits down next to me.]

T: he should be here soon. the play starts at 4, so [looks at his watch] we still have around 15 minutes to spare. ja... i remembered to bring the 2 tickets, my cell phone, my PASMO card (a prepaid transportation card used for the tokyo trains/subway), yet i forget my wallet! (laughs) baka!

m: (smile) i can be really forgetful sometimes, too.

T: ne... i completely forgot to go buy this CD...i meant to go since a couple days ago. luckily there's still one left!! [gratefully, turns to look at me] thanks to you, i got it!

m: no problem! i like ___________[that band/singer], too! [suddenly i feel like singing though i'm a terrible singer. lol.] ♪ ___________________________________ [sing a line f/one of their most popular songs.

kate's version: ♪ you are~ my fire~

T: (gets hyper, immediately sings the next line in the song!): _____________________________
kate's version: ♪ the one~ de-sire~!

together: [loudly sing--]
_________________________
__________________________
____________________________

kate's version:
♪ believe~ when i say~
i want it that way!
[both laughing, and continue singing--]
But we~ are two worlds apart
Can't reach to~ your heart

[the lyrics get to me and i stop singing abruptly]
[YOUR VERSION DOES NOT NEED TO BE LIKE THIS...YOU CAN SING THE WHOLE THING WITH TOMA. NO NEED TO STOP IN THE MIDDLE UNLESS IT'S SOMETHING LIKE THIS, WHERE THE LYRICS DESCRIBE YOUR I-HAVE-NO-CHANCE-WITH-HIM SITUATION....]

T: [waits a little 4 me, but when i don't sing, he finishes singing--]
♪ when you say~
that i want it that way~

[i try to smile and clap loudly for him. he notices my sad face, but also smiles and claps 4 me/us.]

m: your english pronunciation is pretty good! [notice i didn't say GREAT! i told him the truth. :) and i think he'll appreciate it.]

T: no, no. [he says this in eng.] it's nothing much. but i do have a teach-yourself-english book & CDs set at home...i haven't had much time to use it. [laughs] but i really do want to improve my english! then i could understand more when i listen to american songs ne. really...i admire ppl like u who can speak english fluently! very cool~ [he says this in eng. i smile at his slightly incorrect, yet cute pronunciation.]

m: yappa~ your new year's resolution must be to learn more english?

T: [nodding] mmm... that's one of them... [after thinking for a little bit--] demo... there's many more things i still want to do...it's just that right now i don't have time for them. [he intently looks at the aoyama university across the street.]

[picture of the main gate of the university campus & some info on it here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aoyama_Gakuin_University]

m: [following his gaze, i also stare at the university. so touched by his ambition & his endless yearning to become a better person, i say in a sincere and quiet voice--] you definitely will! [toma looks at me. i continue to look at the university building] toma-kun...i truly believe it... toma-kun can do anything that he sets his mind to. [turn back and look at him] you just need to believe. i truly believe that. [look back at the campus] i remember...you saying that all of us have endless possibilities ne. so please~ [quoting toma] "believe in possibilities, do your best, and fight on!"

T: [looks touched and very happy, nodding, and looking straight at me, says quietly only--] ah. arigatou.

december 22, 3:49p.m.
[we look at each other, smiling... the wind picks up a little and gently blows his soft hair...the almost setting sun's golden light shines on him so beautifully...i want to remember this moment forever!!♥ which reminds me! i should ask if i can take a picture with him!! i'm about to ask, when he suddenly stands up and says--]

T: [looking in the direction of the evening sun, in a serious, determined voice--] i've made up my mind... in 2009, i want to achieve more of my dreams! but starting from right now, [looks down at me] i definitely won't let any opportunity pass me by. [then he smiles/pouts and looks up at the clear, bright evening sky. most of the clouds have cleared away. the sky is really beautiful.]

m: [cheerfully, standing up beside him--] ah! that is a great new year's resolution! toma-kun, i support you all the way!! [give him a thumbs up sign]

T: [gives me a thumbs up sign and winks *kyaaaa!*] yay!!

m: [hyper] yay!!

[we both look at the horizon. the sun will start to set soon. the sky has a lovely, faint peach/pink color to it. the sun has moved closer down to the horizon...but it's still quite light out.]

m: [cheerfully] kire de na! hinoiri suki! but i like sunrises more, because it's the start of a new day.

T: [thoughtfully, still looking in that direction] subarashiii...to me, sunsets are the most beautiful. because it means the end of the day, like "u can relax now"...and it seems to last longer and is more colorful ne.

m: sou desu ne...[this makes me think of eason chan's song, "the sunset is most beautiful". it's about how we should live life to the fullest because all good things come to an end..."No matter how beautiful the sunrise is, it'll always set." =( just like my time with toma is coming to an end...just then, a bright white, small jetstream appears in the sky!]

m: [wow! i always think of jetstreams as being slow shooting stars...i quickly close my eyes and silently wish: "i wish i could somehow spend more time with toma." i open my eyes and we watch the jetstream as it continues to move across the sky...i wish i had brought my camera! oh, have to ask him!]

m: [hesitantly] ano...

T: hmm?

m: [in a quiet voice--] may i take a picture with you? onegaishimas!

T: [smiles, saying cheerfully] mochiron! ne, u don't have to be so nervous. why such a quiet voice!

m: arigatou gozaimas! [i quickly take out my cellphone. damn it! the one day i decide i don't need to bring my digital camera, and i meet toma!! i hand it to toma, since he's taller than me] could you-- it's this button. [showing him]

T: wakata. [i pick a spot near where we can see most of the theatre behind us and toma follows me. he stands next to me, aims the cellphone camera, and reaches over to put his left hand around my shoulder--but then stops and asks--] ii deska?

m: hai! [i'm telling myself to "stay calm! don't melt when he touches u!!"]

[toma puts one hand on my shoulder, holds the cellphone up... he says "gomen" before pulling me a little closer to him!! and leans a little closer to my face so we both fit into the frame. i'm trying to stay calm, but already, my heart is racing! toma counts down: "san, ni, ich!" and *snap*, he takes the picture. i think i smiled?? who knows! i feel a little light-headed! toma lets go of me and hands me the phone.]

T: ja... [we both look at the picture as i hold the cellphone. it's pretty nice! we can see both of us and the theatre in back. i'm smiling a little awkwardly, but of course toma has a perfect smile!
kinda like this. so photogenic ne!! :)]

T: let's take another one with my phone. i think it'll be clearer.

m: [surprised/happy] ah...ok!

[toma takes his cell phone out from his jeans pocket. it's kinda long, wide & very flat & black, kinda like the one he used in Maou.]

T: oh, i forgot. put it on silent since i was in the cd store...a new message? [he reads the text message. he frowns/pouts unhappily. but then he thinks of something...and smiles/purses his lips. he turns back towards me. seeing me look at him, wondering what happened, he says--] bezuni.

[he fixes his bangs a little and gestures to me to come closer. seeing him do that, i try fixing my hair and scarf, too. haha. and we get in the same pose, but this time i remember to make a V-sign with my hand. =) toma counts down again. *snap*]

T: let's see. [holds out the cellphone so we can both see. my smile is a little better. this time, toma had a cute pouty look, kinda like this! kawaii!!

m: sugoi! (uh oh...i'm standing pretty close to him. if i glance up now...)
[i can't stop myself...i look up at him. kawaiiiiii!! i never thought i'd be able to get this close to him!! how does he keep his skin so nice & soft?? i wish i could lean over and give him a kiss on the cheek...suddenly he looks at me!! and smiles in such a cute way!!!]

m: [staring at him in awe] (kyaaa! *__* toma cuteness overload!! I WANNA MARRY HIM!!♥ WHY DID GOD HAVE TO MAKE HIM SO UNBELIEVABLY GOOD-LOOKING??****** i imagine myself in a beautiful white wedding dress & him in a nice black suit on our wedding day...and he slowly leans over to kiss me...♥]

T: [laughs in his CUTE way...it's as if he can read my mind!! then holds up his hand, covering his mouth with a shy/thoughtful look, looking down as he flips close the phone]

m: [continuing my fantasy] (what should we name our first child...what if i have twins...i'd like twins!)

[toma is saying something to me, but i can't hear him from my fantasy world. i can clearly see him looking at me and saying something, but all i hear in my fantasy world is that the twins [GIRLS OR BOYS OR 1 GIRL, 1 BOY, IT'S UP TO YOU!! kate's version: 1 boy, 1 girl! hopefully the boy looks more like toma, and the girl...what am i saying, BOTH should look like toma, then they'll both be so pretty!! hahaha.] are crying and we are trying to get them to sleep, late at night! i quickly put my hands behind my back and pinch 1 of my arms to snap myself out of it!!]

m: (iiteh!) gomen! what were u saying?

T: i said i'll email u the picture later, ok?

m: [^_^ waaaah, then i'll have his email!! though of course, he could just make a new account and send it to me from there and never use that account again...] thank you!! i wrote my email in the letter. then i'll email u the pic from my phone, too!

T: ok! [smiles]

[ahhhh....tomaaaaa... i almost go into another fantasy where we're emailing each other sweet love notes w/cute emoticons and hearts, when i stop myself. NO!!! NOT AGAIN! i quickly grab a small bag of salty pretzels out from my shoulder bag.]

m: [talking really fast/nervously--- babbling, at the same time grabbing pretzels and popping them in my mouth, chewing/talking rapidly] i'm hungry! i didn't eat much at lunch. only had a sandwich and some soup. that's barely a meal. my friend told me to order something else, but i wasn't hungry then. she said i'd get hungry, but i didn't listen to her. well...she's right! she had a big hamburger. she eats them all the time. i keep telling her it's not healthy...[remembering that toma loves hamburgers] eh...not that there's anything wrong with that*******...i'm addicted to fruit smoothies myself. and you'd think they'd be good for you, but you'd be wrong! they're full of sugar. but they're so yummy and refreshing, right?? yeah...[awkward silence] ...jub jub. (jub jub is a nonsense word that conan o'brien likes to say sometimes/get ppl to say it on tv. he especially likes to say it after an awkward silence. lol!)
[sssafe! (takemoto so cutely said this in eng. in ep.2 of H&C) whew!! that was close.]

T: [surprised, looking at me go...] are? [thinks for a moment, then says--] sa~ i need to tell you something.

m: [with my mouth full] eh?

T: i got a text message f/my friend [BTW, U CAN IMAGINE IT TO BE ANYONE...YAMASHITA, SHUN, WHOEVER U LIKE...]. he sent it since around an hour ago, but i didn't know...

m: [swallowing--] these pretzels~ are making me thirsty! [lol, 1 of my fav quotes f/my fav show, SEINFELD! and with that, i put away the pretzel bag & take out my small water bottle and drink from it.]

T: he says he forgot that his aunt from the USA arrives in tokyo today. she is coming here to visit his family. so he has to spend time with her and his family today. he's not coming.

m: sou deska? that's a shame. [hmmm...how will toma pay me back? maybe we can meet up later after he finishes watching... i really am thirsty--i drink some more water.]

T: [hesitantly] ano...do you want to see the play with me?

m: [!!! immediately spit out the water.] EHHH?? [wipe my mouth, putting away the bottle]

T: [laughs] umm, i can't pay you back with money, so instead, u can watch this play.

m: dame desu. a play ticket costs a lot more than a CD! you can pay me back later ne. i don't want to bother you.

T: well, you can pay me back the difference afterwards.

m: uhh...

T: [cheerfully] jodan des! a friend gave me the tickets. it didn't cost me anything. no need to pay me back.

m: souka...

T: i'd really rather watch it with someone. [sincerely, in a kinda quiet voice--] if i'm by myself...sabishii~ ne. dakara...[pulls out the two tickets f/his jeans pocket and holds out one to me] douzo!

m: [suuuugeeeh!! ^_^ i can't believe my good luck!! MY WISH CAME TRUE SO FAST!! is this really happening??? it's almost as if it's a... date??? ahh~ u know i can't say no to you toma! i take the ticket.] hounto ni, hounto ni, arigatou gozaimasu!! [deep bow]

december 22, 3:57 p.m.
T: iie! [checks his watch] it's almost 4. [looks at me, gesturing "let's go!"] ja, ikuzo!

m: [happily] hai! [we walk towards the theatre entrance, the evening sun shining a little less bright than before behind us. i glance back one last time at the pretty evening sky, now with a hint of blue as the sky becomes a little darker. it's almost twilight time. toma holds open the door for me. :) i thank him and walk in first, and toma follows me. whew! i loosen my scarf. it's warm in here. and i already felt so warm (despite it still being very cold out. ) since toma invited me to watch it with him!! we walk past the rows of flowers (for the actors) in the lobby. pretty~~ :) ]

________________________________

umm...gomen! i dunno what kinda play toma would like and i don't know much about plays in general. and after all, u can't really talk to each other during a play. so, just imagine it's the kinda play where there's some singing, there's happy/funny moments and sad/touching moments as well...

ma, since the schedule at the real aoyama theatre says a "A Song for you" is being presented there now, i'll stick with this title. it sounds nice too, right? i have no idea what it's about, can't find any info on it. so i'll just pretend it's a play about....uh...in general think of it as a story about friendship and love among four 20-something friends (2 guys, 2 girls) who are going through some tough times because their beloved teacher [who they really respected/treated like a family member] from high school has just died suddenly, from a heart attack. this tragic event, in addition to their family/relationship/career problems forces them to rely on each other for support. facing these obstacles together, they learn how precious life is and to never take anything for granted. it's set in modern times, in japan. also, they decide to write a song and dedicate it to their teacher at her funeral. they work on this song throughout the entire play, between all the other things that happen... this sounds pretty good, huh? i got the idea from a Drew Carey show episode, "the day the music died". and also, several celebrities i like died suddenly this year...bernie mac (complications due to pneumonia), Stanley Kamel (heart attack).

btw, i bet u didn't know that smoking is a major cause of heart disease! x__x
(unless u read my really long rant on why smoking kills & how to quit, below. haha.
http://ikutatomalove.blogspot.com/2008/06/toma-talks-about-azumi-kiss-big-tobacco.html)

"Smokers have more than twice the risk for heart attack as nonsmokers."
[credit: http://www.webmd.com/heart-disease/risk-factors-heart-disease]

it's because smoking decreases oxygen to the heart and increases blood pressure and heart rate, among other reasons! [credit: http://www.webmd.com/smoking-cessation/quit-smoking-heart]
________________________________

.................. some things that happen/descriptions of things while you're watching ~A Song for You~ (1st hour) with toma:

-the theatre is not huge, but it's still big. since toma's friend gave him the tickets, of course the seats are great! one of the front rows...

-i am still trying my best to act natural, though words cannot describe how happy/excited i am to be watching a play with toma-kun!!! it's a huge rush...being able to sit next to my him in a dark theatre, actually doing something like this with him... but soon, i get quite absorbed into the plot of the play and that really helped me relax. whew. cuz my heart can't take much more of such rapid beating! haha.

-during the funny moments, i laughed loudly with toma and the rest of the audience... :D
there's just something so wonderful about seeing/hearing toma laugh!! he is like a little kid, he laughs so loud and freely. =)

-the plot is great, the actors great, the songs great, the stage design great...just that my japanese is not very great...so i have trouble understanding some dialogue. and i can't remember who is who, for some of the supporting characters. like..."who is that guy again? what's his relationship with her? what's that other guy's name? i completely forgot!" like that. lol. of course, i don't want to bother him with all these questions. it's just what's going on in my head as i watch.

sometimes, i sneak secret glances at him. ~_~ though it's quite dark. but toma is cute in any light!! even when it's really dark. yappari~

.................................... during the 15 minute INTERMISSION (after 1 hr):

december 22, 5:05 p.m.
[i drank a lot of water be4, so i have to go again. to the restroom. i also quickly turn on my cell phone and send a text to _________(yr friend) to tell her i'm watching a movie and can't talk to her again till it's over. don't really wanna tell her i met him, at least not right now...and then i turn off the phone again. and go back out. toma is looking at the pamphlets. i walk over to him, looking at my watch. we've still got around 10 minutes left.]

m: [standing next to him] are you going to buy something?

T: [turns to look at me, laughs--] i only have some change in my pocket. but i don't want to buy anything anyway.

m: sou sou...i forgot!

T: what do u think of the play so far? i like it.

m: ii ne! i wonder what will happen next...

T: [cheerfully] i hope it can be a happy ending ne!

m: [nodding] kito!

[Toma walks thru the crowd of ppl and casually leans against the wall, hands in his jeans pockets. i follow him and stand beside him. i keep looking around, expecting some1 to recognize him and come up to him...but no one does, though some ppl look at him for a little bit, then turn away. well, most of the ppl here look older than us...]

m: ja...it's almost christmas already.

T: mm mm.

m: will u get a day off from filming on christmas eve?

T: no... but we'll probably get to leave early that day.

m: souka souka...

T: hai~ [curiously--] anata wa?

[blue trees in roppongi~ credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/mika/306510738/]

m: [getting hyper] umm... my friend and i will probably spend the whole day at roppongi hills on dec. 24. we'll window shop during the day, then at night we'll walk around, see all the pretty trees, lit up with blue/white/orange lights! oh, also we'll go to the christmas market and mohri garden! =) and we're going to the ROPPONGI HILLS ARENA Holy Night Concert 2008. their last show is on the 24th, and the best part is it's free. haha...anyway, i'm really excited about it!!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/sirintira/2354611748/
[TOKYO MIDTOWN mall in roppongi!! sugoi!]

[more info, pics: http://www.roppongihills.com/en/monthly_event/2008_12.html
http://flickr.com/photos/54671164@N00/199591509
Roppongi Hills Arena
http://flickr.com/photos/ehnmark/227042555/
Roppongi Hills Arena 2
http://z.about.com/d/gojapan/1/0/I/I/roppongi_hillsarena2.jpg]

T: [envious/cheerful] ahh~ SUGOI! i'll probably just eat dinner with my friends that night.
[for some general info on how christmas is celebrated in japan: http://www.japaneselifestyle.com.au/culture/christmas.html ]

m: ano...is there anything u really want to get for christmas? like~ "I REALLY HOPE SOMEONE GIVES ME THIS FOR XMAS!!"? [gesturing in a funny way, like a kid hoping for a certain gift]

T: [laughs, then seriously/thoughtfully--] yada ne~ i already have everything i want...i'm really very lucky...i'm really so grateful for everything i have! ...but of course, CDs/DVDs, i always like!!

m: [smile] please think of the CD i bought you as my christmas present for you, then!

T: [smiles warmly, looking at me, cheerfully--] ah, thank you! (he says it in eng.)

m: [cheerfully--] you're welcome! [in eng., too] [laughs]

T: eh...anata wa? is there something you really want for christmas?

m: [happily, without hesitation--] my christmas wish has already come true today, thanks to toma-kun! [...shoot, i shouldn't have said it straight out like that!]

T: [a little surprised/embarassed at my declaration, looking downwards--] ...ah, sou deska?

m: [looking away from him]
(quick, change the subject!!) hai...but actually, i am hoping for a white christmas, too. but i guess there's no chance of that, only maybe rain.

T: ano...when are you leaving?

m: [sadly] the 26th. the 26th, i'm flying back.

T: [cheerfully, sincerely--] there's still around 1 week left. i really hope~ your wish can come true again!

m: [i turn back to look at him. he smiles in such a sweet & sincere way!]
(kawaii!! & he always says such nice things like this...) toma-kun...arigatou!

T: ja...

[right then, the PA system plays a chiming sound that signals that intermission is over]

T: ah. ja, ikuzo. [hmm...i wonder what was he about to say?]

.................. some things that happen/descriptions of things while you're watching ~A Song for You~ (2nd hour) with toma:

-there are some really sad moments... toma and some of the other ppl around me start tearing up/crying. toma's eyes are welling up with tears! it's not THAT sad that i would cry, normally, but seeing toma cry, i start crying too! and i flashback to all the times naoto cried in Maou, and i cry even more!! luckily, i always have some kleenex with me. i pull out a small kleenex pack and pull out a couple and give it to toma. he's a little embarrassed but nods "thank you" and dabs his face with it. and so~ toma and i and some other people around us quietly cry and wipe our tears as we continue watching...

-i don't know if it's cuz my eyes are kinda blurry from crying, or if toma saw someone he knew sitting near me, or i'm losing my mind/i'm delusional, but i thought...i thought toma was glancing at me several times?? ehhhh? and when i saw him looking at me, he'd quickly turn away.... ahhh. he's probably checking to make sure he's not the only one crying. haha... i don't mind toma! that you're a crybaby. lol.

-later, thankfully, there are some happier moments and everyone cheers up...my eyes are stinging/tired from crying, but i'm really so happy i could both laugh and cry together with toma!! what more can i ask for...i have been able to buy him an xmas gift, give my letter/card directly to him, been able to say pretty much everything i always wanted to say to him, encourage him, take a picture with him, and he's even had his arm around me several times!! and we've been able to talk about so many things...shared several precious moments...i smile to myself and make a mental note to write all this down as soon as i get back to my room, so these memories will never fade away!!

[btw, you are staying at the cheap SAKURA HOTEL/hostel. the only place you 2 could afford. haha...here's some info and pics:
and what your room looks like:
http://www.sakura-hotel.co.jp/img/twin-room.jpg

http://www.sakura-hotel.co.jp/sakura-hotel_rates.htm
http://www.flickr.com/photos/neochaser/524034290/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/pui-yuk/3050773314/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/jillpyle/2356088516/
http://www.worldsitehotels.com/hotels_detail/page/hotelx5464/Sakura_Hotel_.html
http://www.tripadvisor.com/Hotel_Review-g1066443-d304296-Reviews-Sakura_Hotel-Chiyoda_Tokyo_Tokyo_Prefecture_Kanto.html]

-it turns out to be a sad ending! =( in the group of friends, one of the guys' girlfriend is moving to another country in order to pursue a career in architecture, so they reluctantly break up. and one of the girls who's about to get married finds out she has brain cancer. so she makes her fiancee think that she's cheating on him with someone else and breaks up with him...so that he wouldn't have to be sad or devastated while she's suffering from chemotherapy or even dies later on...the other 2 are able to somewhat solve their problems and be happy. but the 4 friends still all meet at their teacher's funeral at the end and sing a song together for her...in the song, they promise her (and each other) that no matter what happens, they'll help each other and live each day as if it was their last!

[a lot of people start standing up, giving them a standing ovation that they really deserve.] toma and i also stand up and clap loudly for them. there's a curtain call. everyone keeps clapping. i clap so much and so hard, my hands start hurting! i got a little teary at the end. i glance at toma as we are still clapping. his eyes have welled up with tears too...
finally, it's time to go...we start to leave...before i know it, 2 hours and 15 minutes have gone by!! i walk slowly, looking around the theatre, the faded red seats, the stage, for one last time...trying hard to remember everything...as if i'm recording it all and saving it in a safe place in my mind...actually, i've been doing it all the while, since i saw toma a few hours ago!!

-i quickly dab at my eyes with the kleenex before i follow toma out...we stop to go to the restroom be4 we go. i splash some water on my face. luckily my eyes aren't that red...it'll go away soon...as we're leaving, we have to walk kinda slow cuz everyone is leaving at once...we walk thru the lobby...and...we reach the front doors...and it's really dark, it's nighttime outside. ah~ but it was still light out when we went in... i manage to hold the door open for toma as we walk outside. =)

SHIBUYA BY NIGHT~

[credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/cuteepie/333267086/]

[credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/mika/2095404924/]

december 22, 6:33p.m.
[as soon as i step foot outside, the COLD air seems to slap me in the face again. as if saying "time to say goodbye, cinderella! your carriage is gonna turn back into a pumpkin soon!" i feel as if i'm cinderella, and it's approaching midnight. my magical day with my prince is coming to an end...it's back to reality, back to my boring life soon. =(

i ask toma to wait a moment (toma nods), and we stop near the entrance as ppl continue to stream out...

but at least the freezing cold weather distracts me from feeling sad! it's SCARY COLD [very very cold. low 40s degrees F/6 degrees C. *IF THIS IS NOT COLD TO YOU, IMAGINE THE TEMP. TO BE LOWER. =)], now that there's no warm sunlight at all. and that big sculpture in front of the theatre looks even more creepy and scary at night!! haha. i pull my warm scarf tighter around my neck. i turn my phone back on in case _________ (yr friend's name) calls. and i take out my gloves from my bag to put it on. i see the cd bag... ah, time to give it to its owner.

i put on my gloves and reluctantly hand toma the bag with the CD inside, looking at it, thinking: THANKS TO YOU, CD-kun, FOR GIVING ME THE CHANCE TO SPEND THE DAY WITH TOMA-KUN!! =) ]

m: [holding it out to him with both hands, bowing deeply. truly grateful~]
iroiro arigatou gozaimashita!

T: [modestly--] iie...ah...could u hold on to it a while longer for me?

m: [looking back up at him, in a quiet voice--] eh?

T: [in a happy/friendly way--] my little brother sent me a text message. i'm going to have dinner with him soon at our favorite restaurant. i'm headed for the shibuya station...if you're going the same way, we can--

m: [interrupts him--] HAI!
[quickly puts the bag back in my bag. ANOTHER 10 MINUTES WITH TOMA-KUN!! ~_~ actually, this time of day, it's super crowded there, so it'll probably take us more than 10 minutes! yay!! =) ah...this is probably what he wanted to tell me earlier during the intermission.]

T: [finishes his sentence--] walk there together. [laughs]

m: [laughs] gomen.

T: well then...let's go!

m: [nods] (yuukiri. yuukiri...remember to walk slowly!)

[we start walking in the direction of the station. it's quite crowded in the streets now. but the dazzling and colorful christmas lights on the decorated trees and buildings around us are shining bright. i glance up at the night sky. the stars are also shining bright. ah, nature's nightly light show! there are some drifting white clouds, but i'm pretty sure there will be no more rain tonight. whew! =)]

T: sa~ geki...suki deska? dou omoymaska?

m: ahh~ subarashiikatta to omoymas!

T: mm. ii ne~ ore mo.

m: but...i think those two couples shouldn't have broken up at the end.

T: eh? nande?

m: because they have given up without even trying to face a difficult future together...how do they know their love will not last if they don't even try? if it is true love, then it can withstand all obstacles, right? whether it is a long distance relationship or even...ummm, not death. but still...u know what i mean...

T: [thoughtfully] sou de na~ if they are meant to be, nothing can keep them apart~ ne. after all, love is unconditional.

m: [a little emotionally] hai~ if you love someone, you'll want to be with them no matter what happens...and it doesn't matter if the time you spend together is too short, because if you truly love him, whether it's a few months, a few days, a few hours! (like us today!! wait, am i still talking about the play??), that you can be together, you will still surely treasure it and never forget all the special moments you two shared together. and you'll have no regrets if you've loved and lost. because--

T: because at least you once had love ne! and you'll always have those happy memories. takemoto-kun said this...

m: [nodding, smiling] desu ne! ah, i miss takemoto-kun.

T: [nodding] takemoto-kun...actually~ i'm sad that i have never loved like that before...

m: [looking at him, in a sincere, quiet voice--] i think it's rare to have that kind of unforgettable love. a simple love can be wonderful, too! however~ toma-kun deserves a love like this! i truly hope you will find the right person for you soon.

T: [with a cute smile, looking at me] arigatou ne~ you're a very kind person.

[ahhhh~ i'm so touched by this, i was gonna reply with a "and you are such a nice person, toma-kun!", when suddenly a strong, cold gust of wind blows by us. brrr! cold!! and it completely messes up my hair. toma easily fixes his hair back to how it was, but i'm having trouble. without a mirror, i can't tell if my bangs are alright...stupid hair! please stay in place!]

m: (cold!) COLD!! [trying to brush back into place my bangs across my forehead. it's hard cuz i have gloves on and my hair is getting kinda static-y...]

T: chotto. [gestures for me to stop, and we stop walking. suddenly...he leans a little closer to me and...gently brushes my bangs back into place for me!! i'm frozen in place, speechless...]

m: (tomaaaaaa!! i love you!! will you marry me?)

T: ok. [smiles, and continues walking]

m: (ehhhhhh??? what's going on??? am i out of my mind, or does he actually...could it be....he...likes...meeeeee??? ...perhaps, maybe not, however...*********)

[he has walked a little bit ahead before noticing i'm not there. he turns around and says "nani ga? Hayaku!" (and he smiles in a cute way again!! i imagine him saying "hurry up...and catch me!" heehee~ ACTUALLY, HIS SMILE IS ALWAYS SO CUTE NE!!! ~_~)]

m: uh, hai! [was gonna run towards him, but i stop, because--]

[right then, a teenage girl [doesn't really matter what race she is...but probably not japanese, cuz they probably would be much more restrained and polite...in my version, she's white (caucasian). just cuz i think it's funny if he's approached by a foreigner and he's really surprised she knows who he is. lol. no offense to any caucasian fans!] walks by him and recognizes him!! she might be around 18 or something...she's pretty & and she's all dressed up in more feminine/fashionable/expensive clothes, than i am. and she's actually wearing knee-high boots & tights and a kinda short skirt!! but she's not completely crazy, she's got a thick, also very trendy jacket on. she screams, calls out his name, and starts gushing like crazy...toma looks surprised/embarassed at first, but then as she calms down, he seems more relaxed...i continue to watch from about 15 feet away. i'm too far to hear anything, and it's quite noisy and crowded here on the street.

though i have no right to be, i am really jealous!!! then she pulls out a cool-looking, tiny digital camera and probably asks to take a picture with him. toma smiles and nods. she immediately puts her arm around his shoulder and practically leans on his shoulder as she snaps the picture. toma looks a bit uncomfortable but he doesn't say anything. she's all over him!!]

m: (that skank!! WHO THE HELL do you think you are?! attacking poor toma like that! you think you're so hot? that u can get away with anything?? GET OVER YOURSELF!)

[then she checks to see how the picture looks. she's so excited, she's jumping up and down. the camera slips out of her hand! but toma catches it in time, by the strap! then, cuz of her stupid high heel boots (or did she do it on purpose??), she loses her balance and he helps stop her from falling by catching her in his arms. it's almost as if he's hugging her!!]

m: [with a super shocked/upset face!] AH!! =0

[here's what happened next, but the dialogue is only in my mind!!]:
T: [still holding on to her and asks her something (in a low, sexy voice!)] are you ok, beautiful?
her: [looking so happy, replies (in a flirty girly voice)] yes, now that YOU'RE here to save me! [he pulls her upright and hands her the camera]
T: [says something to her and smiles] hey, how about we go on a date later, baby?
her: [smiles, replies] i can't wait, toma-chan! call me! [writes something on a piece of paper and gives it to him. toma nods, smiles, and takes the piece of paper, putting it in his pocket.]
T: [says something to her] where do you want to go, how about a romantic restaurant?

[then she leans close to him, whispering something in his ear real quick and rushes away before toma has time to react or say anything!! ??? he just laughs and looks at her as she runs off. i finally walk up to him, and i'm so mad at him. i know i was just imagining that conversation, but he didn't look like he minded her fawning all over him that much!! well...can't blame him, she is very pretty. damn!!]

m: [standing next to him, arms folded, frowning...] (what the hell?! you're nice to me, now you're nice to her?! all these mixed signals...so that's how you are! you're like this with all the girls?! i knew you were too good to be true!!]

T: ah, you're here.

m: [coldly, not looking at him.] yeah. let's go. [start walking quickly ahead. toma seems confused. i don't care! i pull out my bag of pretzels and start chewing furiously. there's just a little left.]

T: [walks quicker to catch up to me] you're hungry again?

m: [roll my eyes, then glare at him] obviously!

T: [looks at me, as if thinking "nindayo?!", but still tries to talk normally with me--] ano...can i have one?

m: [sarcastically/angrily] NO, there's only enough left for me. get your own bag. BETTER YET, why don't u get your FRIEND, "high-heeled boots girl" (slut!) to give you a snack?? [toma stares at me and i glare back--] yeah!

T: [shocked/confused] HUH?? what's wrong with you? she's just a fan.

m: ("JUST a fan"? am i just another fan to him, too?)
yeah, you heard me! [continue rushing ahead, dodging past ppl left and right...it's really crowded here. by now, i'm kinda aware that i'm being a really really big idiot and totally unreasonable, but i can't seem to tell myself to calm down!! then my phone rings. i stand off to the side to avoid running into other ppl rushing by and quickly get it out and flip open the phone.]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

m: (angrily) nani?!
her (my friend f/before): hello?? is that u?
why r u speaking in japanese? [she can't speak japanese]
m: oh, what is it?!
her: what's wrong?
m: nothing!
her: umm...just calling to say i'm already at the tokyo tower. i'll wait for you inside Foot Town, ok? [Foot Town is the 4-story building right under the tower with restaurants, museums, & other tourist attractions! it's got a McDonald's in its food court too!! haha. probably where we'll eat dinner! of course, to save money.]
m: oh, right. [looks at watch, then the sea of people that i'm stuck in] i'm gonna be late. just eat first.
her: no, i'll wait for you. i'm not hungry yet anyway. where do you want to eat?
m: [still angry] wherever! i don't care.
her: umm...you don't sound ok...
m: what?! are you high?? i'm fine! i've never been MORE fine!!^
her: ok...but if u want to talk to me, after you've calmed down, give me a call.
m: (she's still so nice to me even though i'm being such a jerk!!) wait...i'm sorry. something happened and i overreacted...i'm an idiot!! i hate my own...stupid...face!!^^
her: it's ok, it's ok. i accept your apology. life's too short to get mad at your friends over nothing, right?
m: [seriously] yeah...no, it's not ok.... i need to apologize to someone now...i'll see you later!
her: ok, bye!
m: hey...thanks, buddy! [smiles]
her: no problem!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[i flip close the phone. ah~ this is what friends are for. =) ...i look back. i don't see toma. oh no!! did he leave?? i frantically turn to all sides, looking for him. if he went ahead... well, i can't blame him!! i was such a jerk! that damn whore ruined my perfect day!!! ...ok ok, she's not a whore. just another fan like me...i'm about to sadly start walking, when someone taps me on the shoulder]

m: [turn around] toma-kun!!

december 22, 6:44 p.m.
T: [holding a Pocky Strawberry Covered Pretzel Sticks box in his left hand and holding behind his back something...he smiles and holds out in his right hand--a gashapon!] kore!
[a gashapon = a capsule toy, for more info: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gashapon]

m: eh?

T: [laughs] it's your christmas present! merry christmas! ma, i only had enough coins to buy these two from the vending machines...[gesturing to the pretzels and toy, which is around 3-5 US dollars. haha.]

m: (AHHH, CAN HE BE ANY SWEETER??? ~__~ AFTER I WAS SUCH A JERK TO HIM, TOO!!)[taking it from his hand, apologetic] thank you!! ...you're not mad at me? i thought you left!

T: [thinking a moment, then cheerfully...] no, i figured you were cranky cuz u were hungry ne! and i can't abandon you, you still have my CD! [laughs]

m: sou desu ne! [laughs] ...[seriously, bowing & very apologetic--] HOUNTO NI, HOUNTO NI SUMIMASEN!! i don't know what got into me! i guess i'm just too cold and also hungry, at times like that, i often get mad and yell at people for no good reason! [quickly take out the bag of pretzels] here, you can have some! [it's too light!! i look in, and there are only crumbs left! embarassed--] ah, gomen!

T: daijoubu. i like the sweet kind more anyway. ano...she gave me her phone number and wants me to call her. they all think they're in love with me, but they don't even know me...

m: (i was right! i knew it!! but i say--) you don't have to explain, i understand.

T: i know, but i really don't want you to misunderstand. i'm only a playboy onscreen ne! [referring to his role in VOICE] don't go telling all your friends, "ikuta toma is a playboy! i hate him!" [laughs]

m: (awww, i could never hate u toma! be mad at u temporarily, yes, but not hate you!) wakata! [smiles, then look down at the capsule]

T: go ahead, open it! i want to see what it is, too.

m: [nodding, i open it. it's an anime girl that looks angry/like she's yelling. lol! kinda like the girl on the far left here: http://polyvinylcrush.com/wp-content/gallery/LuckyStarNedriodPetitGoodSmileCompany/13.jpg]

T: [laughs in his cute way again] EHH! SUGOI! SHE LOOKS JUST LIKE YOU!! THAT'S YOU!! [laughs like crazy xD]

m: [embarassed/laughing--] shiigeh!

T: no, SHE IS! SHE'S YOU! SUGEH! [still laughing]

m: mou, yamerou!

T: [laughs a little less--] it's perfect for you!

m: (ah, he's so cute when he laughs!! still--) yamerou!

T: [finally stops laughing. takes the toy figure from my hand and looks at it. ...] ahh, demo...kawaii ne. [then he looks at me and smiles so sweetly!!♥]

december 22, 6:47p.m.
m: [ureshiiii!! ^_^ i smile back at him, then just stare at him in awe at what he said...]

(EHHHHH! is he talking about just the toy? or does he mean i'm also cute, since the toy is just like me?? HE MUST MEAN BOTH OF US ARE CUTE!! HE WAS LOOKING AT ME WHEN HE SAID IT! OR IS HE JUST BEING FRIENDLY/JOKING AGAIN?? NO ONE IS THIS FRIENDLY WITH THEIR FAN, RIGHT??? i'm sure he thinks of me as more than just a fan...right?? i'm too self-conscious and my heart is beating too fast...i can't figure it out. toma, what are u doing to meeee?? how am i gonna say goodbye to you later??!!)

[time stops at this moment again...i hear miriam's "simple love" song...toma is standing right across from me, we're looking straight at each other. and the beautifully lit up trees and other xmas decorations around us...though there's many people walking around us, they become a blur. and in my eyes, there's only toma, surrounded by the beautiful xmas lights...i've never been so sure of anything in my life...that he's the one! i'll never love anyone else in this way!! ...his eyes are so beautiful, HE is so beautiful, i can't look away! and it's not just his incredibly good looks--he IS SUCH A NICE, FUNNY, AND SUPER TALENTED GUY!!

but it's right then that i remember why we could never be together ne...he's TOO PERFECT!! who am i?? why would he like me?? stop daydreaming, _________(yr name)! know your limits! you're embarassing yourself! with that...the song stops, i'm rushed back to reality abrubtly! the noise of the streets, all the ppl walking by, the piercing cold air...everything returns.]

m: [take back the toy from him quickly] arigatou gozaimashita! ...umm...we should go, my friend is waiting for me at the tokyo tower.

T: [a little surprised at my sudden change in mood] uh, hai.

[we walk mostly in silence the rest of the way to the station...toma eating his pretzels (he offered me some, but i said no, though i love those strawberry pretzel sticks!) and i, feeling really sad that my time with him is really almost over...and that even if we had more time, nothing could possibly really happen...despite the crowds of ppl and the bright/colorful xmas lights all around, i feel so lonely...]

m: [absent-mindedly, i start to quietly sing/recite (in cantonese) the lyrics to miriam's "simple love". (edit: oh, sorry, forgot to say, sing a different xmas love song here, if u don't listen to canto music!) ]:

一分钟足够送你上班
One minute to send you off to work
三分钟足够吃个午餐
Three minutes for lunch
七分钟可足够去看灯饰璀璨
Seven minutes, looking at the dazzling lights together
从未嫌短暂
Never once did I felt it wasn't enough

多一天给你处理账单
One day more I spend settling your bills
少一天可占据你臂弯
One less day I have by your shoulder
得一天可否与我去放松偷懒
Can we spend a day to relax together?
留给我时间
Spare me some time

期望能开开心心拍过拖
I hope to have a happy relationship
凡事从简简单单那算多
Simplicity, that's not too much to ask for
难道求快快乐乐也成为罪过
Has pleading for happiness turned into a sin?
我不必管对错若你更珍惜我
If you know how to treasure me, I care not for all the rights and wrongs...

T: [interrupts me] what are you singing?

m: [a little embarassed--] oh...it's just a christmas love-- umm, a love-ly christmas song~ that i like.

T: souka...

m: [it's so cold...the crisp cold air that is blowing at us, makes my face feel a little numb.... i pull my scarf closer around my face. suddenly, when touching my neck, i remember something!!] oh!! yabai! [stop walking]

T: eh? [also stops]

m: i can't find it!! [frantically checking my neck, then my pockets and my bag] nai...nai...NAI!! baka!! where did i drop it...i've been to so many places, i could've dropped it anywhere!!

T: [concerned] ochitsuite! what did u lose?

m: my necklace!! my friend gave it to me as an early christmas present...but the clasp was kinda loose. it's fallen off a couple times already...i kept forgetting to get it fixed!! it's a small silver necklace with a--

T: [finishing my sentence] small ring hanging on it?

m: [shocked] hai! how did u know??

T: actually...i saw you put it in your pocket.

m: maji des?? i don't remember that. and i just checked them!

T: take off your gloves. check your right jeans pocket... maybe something is covering it up.

m: hai! [take off my gloves, stuff them in my bag, then dig deep into my right pocket. no...ah!! it's been covered up by all the damp kleenex from my crying earlier! lol. i quickly pull it out!!] there you are!!

T: [smiles] you're right, you are very forgetful ne!

m: [YES, it kinda looks similar to the necklace toma's often wearing, with a ring and the I. i asked my friend to buy it for me for that reason! hahaha... anyway, i put the necklace in my bag, where it cannot drop out.] kedou...i don't remember when i took it off...

[i was gonna ask him, but then toma suddenly shouts "ikemas!! hayaku!" at me-- it's time to cross the street!! it's super crowded here!! i've been in a daze and haven't noticed that we're already at the shibuya crossing!! AKA the WORLD'S BUSIEST CROSSING!!! it's intimidating the first time, but i've already crossed it once, but in the day. at night, it's more scary and there's even more ppl!!! and i quickly follow him and everyone else pours out onto the street all at once!!

[i know they say it's always super crowded, like this. but for this fantasy, pls imagine it's NOT so crowded as this. haha... http://www.flickr.com/photos/poagao/2305789735/ ]

[here's some info, pics of shibuya station and its crossing:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shibuya_Station

[the crossing be4 the station during the day. crowded!! credit:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/thatkidinthecorner/442410665/in/set-72157600040687188/]

--shibuya crossing by night:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/ei_katsumata/472120007/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/poagao/2305789735/

http://www.panoramio.com/photo/10709969
Shibuya Station South Entrance inside
http://www.flickr.com/photos/24151176@N05/3108726355/
Entering Shibuya Station

--Inside Shibuya Station:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/kamerat/2418478126/
[this is for ppl taking the subway, probably]
http://www.flickr.com/photos/24151176@N05/3083415135/
[huge interior! by day]

[by night. credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/79616083@N00/186193054/]

[luckily tonight, somehow, it's not super super crowded, it's just very crowded. haha...we successfully, safely make it across to the station. toma looks at me as if to say "are u alright?" and i nodd my head "i'm ok!" ...just a little out of breath and got pushed by some ppl. we walk inside the station along with a bunch of other ppl...though inside, it's quite a huge place, very high, too, so things feel a less chaotic than outside. toma gestures for me follow him and stand off to the side, near one of the huge columns, so we don't get pushed by others coming in...it's crowded, but not so noisy that we can't hear each other talking...]

december 22, 6:51p.m.
m: umm...doko nii ikimas ka?

T: ah, shinjuku. i'm taking the Saikyō Line train.

m: souka... i'm going to tokyo. i have to take the subway. [aw, we're going in opposite directions...]

T: sou deska? well then...

[this is it!! it's over. though toma says he'll email me, but what if he was just saying that but doesn't...even if he does, he could use that account only once and never check it again...or he just needs to ignore my emails...i have no way of knowing...this is very likely the last time i'll get to talk to him!! what should i say?? what can i do?? then i decide, i'll just say what's in my heart...]

m: [sadly--] chotto kanashii des...

T: [awkwardly] ano...

m: oh... [remember the CD, i take the bag out and hand it to him] douzo!

T: ah, arigatou. [he takes the bag, tries to stuff it in his jacket pocket, though it still sticks out quite a lot...and looks at me and smiles/pouts in his cute way]

m: (kawaiiiiii~ ah, maybe the last time i'll see his sweet smile in real life!! =[ this is my last chance...but i can't think of anything else to say...)
[again, bowing deeply. truly grateful~] iroiro arigatou gozaimashita!

T: iie. [hesitantly] ...maybe i'll see u around ne.

m: [still sadly, in a quiet voice--] sou. tabun na. (*sigh!* i doubt that i'll be ever be so lucky again!)

T: mm... [seems a little confused/uncomfortable...]

[ah...i don't want him to feel sorry for me! i've gotta try to cheer up!! our last moments together must be happy, not sad!!! just like toma's said before, the happy memories from meeting the ppl that u soon have to leave (he was talking about the hana kimi cast), that happiness is far greater than the sadness of having to part ways!!]

m: [cheerfully] demo. mo...totemo un ga yokatta to omoymas! [thinking of the enchanting day i had with toma...]

T: [looking at me, in a sincere way--] anata ni aete totemo yokatta des!

m: [nodding, cheerfully] anata ni aete totemo yokatta des! hounto ni, hounto ni!!

T: [smiles in a cute way, nodding] hai!

m: [seeing his smiling face at this moment, knowing i won't see him again...i'm so sad!! i can't fake it anymore...in a sad, quiet voice] i'll never ever forget this day! [this is it...i should say goodbye, but i can't get the words out...i can only say--] ...toma-kun...oyasuminasai.

T: [looks a little sad too... he nods, hesitantly--] Oyasuminasai.

[i manage to smile at him one last time. he smiles back. then i quickly turn to walk away. my heart is breaking...i bite my lip, thinking to myself: "don't look back!! get out of here quickly or u might start to cry!!" i suddenly flashback to when takemoto and hagumi said goodbye to each other at the bus station. at that, tears started welling up in my eyes!! but i had taken only a couple steps when...!!

something was holding me back...toma had just grabbed my right hand [in a gentle way]!! "chotto!" he said. it feels like everything is happening in slow motion...i turn around, look at our hands touching, then look back up at him. and my heart beats faster at his warm touch (i'm so glad i didn't have my glove on right then!!) shocked, i look at him, half-expecting him to say "i need you!" (in the way nakatsu said it to mizuki) because he has that same cute~ serious~ sincere~ look on his face right now!!]

december 22, 6:54p.m.
T: [he's still holding my hand, we are standing close, facing each other. he looks intently at me, in a quiet voice--] mouskoshi~ itekareneka?

m: [feeling lightheaded & suddenly very warm, still confused at what's happening, in a soft voice--] hai~

T: [gently letting go of my hand, quietly--] you know...u'd be surprised, how shy i am around girls...

m: eh...

T: [takes a few steps away from me, thinking...then looks at the ppl passing by us, he recalls--] actually...i saw you first in that CD store today.

m: [really shocked!] EH?

T: sou. [still not looking at me, looking towards the ppl, but actually looking off into space, remembering what happened...]

m: itsu?

T: it was a little before 3. i remember because... i was checking my watch to see how much more time i have until i need to go meet my friend.

m: [ohhh...flashback: toma said he didn't get his friend's text that he sent since around 3pm. because he had the phone turned off while in the cd store. so he was in there long before i came in!!]

T: it suddenly started raining heavily and there was also bright lightning that lit up the sky! and loud, rumbling thunder. i looked outside...and that was when i first saw you. you were running towards the front door of the store, and covering your head with your bag.

m: mm...[still staring at toma] (i remember that...there was only light rain for a long while that day, so i didn't bring my umbrella, since i had a hooded jacket. but suddenly at that moment, it rained heavily! luckily i was really near to the CD store already!]

T: but at the same time u pulled open the door, a women carrying many shopping bags in both hands, followed by her 2 little kids, was leaving the store. you kindly held the door open for her and her kids, though u were already wet. [toma smiles] but then when u went in, u looked out and saw she had dropped some bags and you immediately went back out to help her pick them up, and pick up the things that had spilled out. [toma turns and smiles at me...] i thought right then, "what a kind and considerate person ne!"

m: [blushing even more at his compliment, looking down, pursing my lips...after all, i felt my face become hot already, at his touch just now!!]
(i remember now. she smiled and said thank you very much and her little girls were so cute...i was already really wet, but as soon as i went inside, it was warm...but when i looked out and saw she had dropped some things, i went back out to help her. there's a saying...if u help someone, u should help them all the way...something like that...)

T: [turning away again, remembering...] u didn't see me because there were plenty of people there, and i was crouching down beside a shelf, looking at CDs...though you had your hood on, but your jacket, your scarf, your hair was all wet...[btw, toma has a thing for girls with the "wet look". lol... he likes it, he said so on 1 of the shows he went on. haha...it's what makes him go "moeeeee!"] that was when u took off your scarf for a while. and u also took off your necklace and put it in your pocket then.

m: [oh....now i remember! when i took off my scarf, touching my neck, i remembered that the necklace clasp is loose, and i put it in my pocket!] souka...

T: ano...then i noticed u were looking at some CDs...____________, ____________, and _____________. [names of singers/bands that toma likes...in kate's version: arashi, x-japan, and backstreet boys] and i thought, "i like them too!" [laughs]

m: mm... [i was looking at CDs...trying to figure out how much it costs in US dollars...really didn't notice anyone around me at all...never knew he was looking at me!! ~_~ but the CDs were all too expensive for me, so i ended up only buying the H&C dvd, which i really really wanted...]

T: [suddenly turns around and looks at me, embarassingly--]
gomen! i don't want you to get the wrong idea, i was not stalking you, you just didn't notice me...i wanted to go talk to you...just to say i think you're really nice to help that lady...but i was too shy...so i just watched you for a while...

m: [shakes my head "no, of course not!"] hai, shinjiimas!

T: [smiles at me, walking closer to me...] then, when i finally decided to go over and talk to you, u had put on your earphones and was listening to music...i didn't want to bother you. and i was a complete stranger, coming up to you like that...i was afraid of being rude, or that u might think "hentai!" if i just suddenly came over like that... [~~ADD THIS TO WHAT HE SAYS IF YOU ARE NOT ASIAN!! =) toma would say: "also, i wasn't sure if you spoke japanese! it would be really embarassing if i started talking to you and you didn't understand what i said, and i couldn't speak your language either! [laughs]]

m: iie... (awwww...if only i had seen him then!! i want to know how he looked when he was looking at me...)

T: kedo...after a while, i still walked up to you...but then i lost my nerve and walked pass you!! [laughs] then i remembered that i wanted to buy the new _____________ CD.... and it's around then that you saw me, right?

m: [nodding] (ah...thinking back at everything he said...so that's what happened!!! sugeeeeeh!!! it's as if we were...meant~ to~ be~) [my tears of sadness welled up in my eyes have become tears of joy!! i'm so happy!!...]

T: and when i noticed you were looking at me, i stood up...i was glad! demo...i was still too nervous...and i had waited too long after u helped that lady...you would wonder why i didn't say anything sooner. and when u didn't say anything, i couldn't get myself to say anything either! i could only smile at you...so i just left!

m: (ahhh~ so he was also very nervous right then!! i totally couldn't tell! he covers it up so well!!)

T: [turns and looks at ppl passing by again, leaning on the column...folding his arms in front of him, thoughtfully--] i was so surprised and happy when u offered to buy the CD for me ne. but i really didn't want to have to bother you...but since u insisted and i really really do want that CD...[smiles] ano...when i realized u were a fan, and seeing how u acted, i knew you liked me...but then, i get that a lot from fans...u know they all say they i'm [acting it out in a cute/funny way, imitating the "cute" gestures & voices of fangirls. lol!] "kawaiiiii!" or "kakkoiii!" or that they love me~ "sukiiii!" [laughs]

m: (whew! i'm glad i didn't go all fangirl on him! but i was certainly thinking some really fangirl stuff!!) [nervously laugh with him...]

T: [turns to look at me] demo...u are different. i felt...suteki desu ne!

m: mm... [quickly look away from his gaze...] (toma, when u look at me and say these things!!! i just melt!!)

T: [smiles and looks away again, thinking...and with a soft voice--] yuukiri... i became more and more sure... that you are not like the others... and talking with you... after a while, it was like... i could easily talk with you about many things... i felt very relaxed, being with you. you are straightforward with me...it's refreshing to be able to talk to a fan like this...who's not constantly gushing over me or saying how handsome i am... u know, i know many girls just like me for my looks. they don't understand...i don't want them to like me only because of that...i want people to like me for just ME, too, u know...the ikuta toma when he is not a celebrity, the me that just wants to eat lunch quietly at a cafe, or the me that just wants to wear casual clothes and take a walk by tokyo bay in the evening...

m: hai... (ehh...he thinks so highly of me??? i understand toma...you're not just a pretty face!! there's so much more wonderful things about u, besides being incredibly good-looking!)

T: [turns to look at me] actually...i have read your letter.

m: ehh? [embarassed!]

T: ah...i read part of it when u were in the restroom. before i went in the cafe, i was curious to see what you wrote, so i read part of it. it was quite long, so i didn't finish. [laughs] demo, hounto ni~ i was really touched by your words! it's fans like you, whose endless support~ really gives me the energy to keep going!

m: oh... [flashback to the cafe...ohhh, so that's why he was smiling so sweetly at me when i came out!! ma, he's got such a cute smile all the time, can't tell when it's cuz he's just happy/grateful or he really is smiling sweetly just for me...]

T: [getting nervous/embarassed...] ano...by the time we talked about new years resolutions in front of the theatre, i was sure...that you were someone that i want to get to know better...but i was still nervous...and after all, i don't know how long you'd even be here in tokyo. i kept thinking about it...then, luckily i read that text from my friend saying he couldn't come. so i had more time and more chances to tell you...finally, i was going to ask you during intermission...but i ran out of time and we had to go back inside.

m: sou... [ohhh, so he really was trying to tell me something right then!! AND HE WAS LOOKING AT ME IN THE THEATRE!! i didn't imagine it! i was sneaking secret glances at him...and he was secretly looking at me, too!! ahhh, if only u knew what i was thinking, u wouldn't have to be so nervous, toma!! ah, but he really is shy around girls ne...]

T: [turns, slowly walking towards me, looking straight at me, with such a sweet/serious look, like nakatsu when he told mizuki "depend on me!"]

m: umm.... [my heart starts beating faster again! my cheeks feel hot! what...what does he want to say??? he stops right in front of me. i start to hear the song i heard when i first saw him...time seems to stop again...]

T: [in a sincere, sweet, quiet voice--] ano... ________(yr first name)-chan...

m: uh... [OMG, HE'S CALLING ME _________(yr first name)-chan!! is he going to....is he really....going to say "suki" after this??? i'm frozen in place...]

T: [in a sincere, sweet, quiet voice--] ________(yr first name)-chan...Tomodachi ni natte kuremasuka?

m: (EHHHHHHH!!!!! YES! YESS!! A THOUSAND TIMES YES!!!!! it doesn't matter if i don't live here, we can talk by email or phone...i'll find a way to visit him...YES, TOMA, YESS!!!) [i can't talk or do anything at that moment except stare at him, my mouth partly open in shock!! and WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING, i'm trying not to embarass myself at this important moment by screaming or fainting or anything!!!]

T: [toma smiles knowingly, looks down and then up at me again...but he's still waiting for my reply]

m: [finally-- i'm able to nod once at him...my mouth is still not working!! at least i have closed it now!!! ahhhhhhhhh!!! i want to say so many things to him!! but right now...finally, in a quiet, stuttering voice--] h-hai.

[toma smiles in such a CUTE way when i say this!! KYAAAAAA!! KAKKOIIIIIII!!!! and he~ wants~ me~ to be his friend!!! i can tell... we could be more than friends...and i just lose it right then!! i'm so completely lightheaded and weak at the knees!! i feel as if i'm gonna need to grasp at the column next to me to prevent from collapsing, when someone runs by, bumping into me, pushing me forward!! toma rushes forward to keep me from falling! the man quickly turns around and apologizes as he rushes off.

december 22, 6:59p.m.
[...!!!
toma and i are practically hugging!
his arms are around my waist/back, and my arms are around his back, i fell straight into his arms...we are kinda like this [screencap of miriam & louis f/the SIMPLE LOVE mv], but of course not as close and his hands are not as high up. ahh... everything around us becomes a blur, and it's as if nothing else existed....only the two of us...time has once again stopped for us momentarily... i don't want to let go!! i'm so close to him, i can hear him breathing...his arms around me...like this...it feels so right!! i can't stop myself, i am sooooo (literally!) attracted to him!! closing my eyes, i gently rest my chin on his shoulder and hold him just a little tighter...just can't let him go....

i don't know how much time passes by until he says something...maybe a couple seconds, it couldn't possibly be 1 minute?? i have no idea...but to me, it felt like i was able to hold him closely for the longest time....but then...]

T: [in a shy/quiet voice, stuttering a little] a- ano... __________(yr name)-chan?

m: mm? [still hugging him]

T: daijoubu?

m: eh.

T: hounto?

m: hai.

T: ano...dakara...

m: [open my eyes...i start to come to my senses! the people, the noise, everything returns suddenly...i quickly let go of him!] ah, gomen!

T: [he's blushing a little!! ~_~] iie...

[we both look down at our feet....what now...right then, toma's phone suddenly rings. the ringtone is _______________[WHATEVER U WANT, PICK A SONG U LIKE OR U'D THINK TOMA WOULD LIKE. kate's version: umm...NEWS' SNOW EXPRESS! "oh!" both of us are shocked at the sudden loud song playing loudly!! (edit: oh, the song is from dec. 2007 but only recently was released on CD! CHECK OUT THE REALLY sweeeet/romantic LYRICS!! i posted the translated to eng. lyrics as a comment at the imeem song page! ah, i really LOVE IT!!! and the parts about hugging so tight there's no space between us, and about time stopping!! SUGOI!!) ]

T: sumimasen! [flips open the phone and answers it] moshi moshi. ...ah, wakata. dewa matta. [he flips it close and tells me, a little reluctantly--] that was my brother. he's already at the restaurant, waiting for me...

m: sou. [right, _________(yr friend's name) is waiting for me too!] i should be going, too...

T: well then...i guess...

m: [cheerfully] matta ne! [toma already has my email & phone number...i'm sure we can see each other sometime again soon!! i just need to wait for him to contact me. =)]

T: [smiles] ah, ja ne!

[then he walks in one direction, while i go the other way...then i stop and turn around to look at him as he walks away... i had thought this was the end for toma and i... but turns out it is just the beginning!! i have a feeling this is the start of a beautiful friendship.....and more?? i smile to myself as i look at him...i really feel like the luckiest girl on earth!! just then he turns around and sees me! he winks at me (kyaaaa!!), smiles, and then turns around and continues walking. this time, i turn around and happily walk away without needing to look back again...i have a feeling that 2009 will be the best year of my life!! all because of...toma-kun.♥]

........
..............

...........

december 22, 9:02 p.m.
[after arriving at the tokyo tower around 30 minutes late, i ate dinner with my friend at the McDonalds in the food court of Foot Town. then we wandered around the different floors for a while...then we decide to go up the tower and enjoy a view of the city at night from the Main Observatory observation deck. it's a little crowded...]

here's some pics of the deck:
http://z.about.com/d/gojapan/1/0/0/r/tokyotowerpicture-dai-observatory.jpg
[at the observation deck during the day]

[View f/ main observatory of Tokyo Tower (150 m), credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/neon_god/2174675304/]

m: wah...awesomeness!!
her: wow! i'm gonna take some pictures. [takes out her digital camera. the view is beautiful, and we can even see mt. fuji in the distance!!]

[ ...as my friend is busy taking photos, i wander over to a less crowded side of the deck...as i stare out the window, the images of all the things that happened today run across my mind again...i still can't believe it all really happened!! i need to make sure again...i take out the H&C dvd box, YES, it's got his autograph on it! i flip open my cell phone...YES, my new background is still there, the pic we took together!! ~_~ suddenly, the "new message" screen appears! i immediately go to the inbox.

gahh!! toma sent me a text message!! it says:

date: 2008/12/22 21:02
from: 生田斗真
subject: ありがとう。

ありがとう。
私はCDを非常に好む!

じゃあね。

生田斗真

[subject: arigatou.

arigatou.
i really like the CD!

ja ne.

ikuta toma]

[URESHIIIIIII!!! *___* i blurt out "SUGOI!!" and happily/hyperly jump up and down!! lol. my friend & everyone else stares at me.... i stop, remembering i'm in public...i hesitantly look around and embarassingly smile...[bowing]

m: gomenasai! i'm just so excited to be here, this view is really SUGOI !! [whew! i look back down at the text message. ah, toma has already listened to the CD... i wonder if i should reply right away?? or should i wait a while...what should i say??]

my friend: __________ [yr first name]! come here, take a picture of me standing next to the window!

m: ok! [i put away my cell phone...i'll think of something nice and write back to him soon...with that, i walk towards my friend, admiring the night view of tokyo that surrounds us...and i wonder what toma is doing right now... ~_~ ]

~LA FIN~
(the end)

(but of course, u can always continue the story on your own, if u wish!!
haha...there are some loose ends in my story, after all...
THANK YOU FOR READING! I HOPE YOU LIKE IT~ I REALLY HAD FUN WRITING IT~
AND HAVING THIS LONG "AIR DATE" WITH TOMA AND VIRTUAL TRIP TO TOKYO WAS AWESOME!!!)

____________________________________

*george said this in an ep. of seinfeld. =)
** similar to george & jerry's conversation when they see the famous baseball player, keith hernandez
***** lyrics from bbmak's out of reach
******from 1 of ellen's monologues, about what models think about on the catwalk, why they look like they're in a bad mood all the time. lol. (cuz they're annoyed that God made them too beautiful)
******* a quote f/a seinfeld ep.
*********perhaps, maybe not, however... (translated to eng. title of 1 of leon lai's songs)

^ and ^^ = similar to some dialogue in The King of Queens episodes. haha...
^^^ = similar to jerry's description of a stench that hits him, "like a punch in the face". lol!

details of kate's writing process... / a "making-of"!

2008-12-18T22:08:00.001-08:00

...i'll post it up soon! =)
sleepy now... (yawns!)

....12.23.2008, 6.18pm: COMING SOON...

........sorry!
will post up a "making-of" tomorrow/today (dec.24).
it's late.
sleep. now.
write. later.

good night!!

.......(12.25.08 HAPPY FESTIVUS! =P)
gomen ne, i couldn't finish it in time yesterday...
but~ finally today!

and~ it's also quite long...

[3.22.2009 edit: forgot to post the link to the post where i talk more about how i came up w/this story and when i actually gave everyone the link to read this story at TL! here it is:
http://ikutatomalove.blogspot.com/2008/12/sss.html]

well, it all started back when i, one day back in october, probably...maybe after reading another fan's message for toma at Dear Toma... (or the guestbook linked there) saying she wants to meet him...i thought of the "your own fantasy conversation with ellen degeneres" chapter in her book, MY POINT, AND I DO HAVE ONE. i say chapter, but really, it was just a few pages. and she left most of it blank, so u can fill in what u want to say. haha...and i thought it'd be fun to write a post like that, just a short conversation...but i never got around to it....then by november, when i was trying to think of an xmas gift i could give everyone here...i remembered that idea i had! and so i decided i'll just make it a 10-15 min. conversation, probably...and i officially announced it then/here:

http://ikutatomalove.blogspot.com/2008/11/end-revenge-remorse-and-retribution.html
"GOOD NEWS:
though i've been brainstorming a lot, i can't think of anything we can make together for toma for christmas....BUT i've thought of a christmas present for all my loyal readers here!! i'm gonna "make" it... and no matter where u live, whether u're a girl/guy, young/older, longtime toma fan/new fan, u will like it. NO, YOU'LL LOVE IT!! =P *i think.* but i don't want to give anything away, it's a SURPRISE! i'll "give" it to you on christmas day!! ^__^ please look forward to it!! ~_~
.....actually, it's not THAT good, so please don't have too high expectations for it! haha. and NO, it's not a message from toma (I WISH!) or airplane tickets to tokyo so u can try to meet toma! lol. wouldn't that be the ABSOLUTELY best gifts for ANY toma fan?? hahaha.

anyway~
i hope you'll all like it. even if u don't, please don't re-gift and remember it's the thought that counts and please don't be too disappointed ne! hahaha~
seriously, though, it's just something from me to you, to thank you for coming here, and for all your nice comments. whenever i see that the cluster map's "visits on previous day" number is high or i read your warm & kind & sweet & funny comments/messages (whether here or at Dear Toma...) for me or toma, it really makes me HAPPY! *__*"

SO~ i started to think about how i'd write it and searching for pics of locations since the end of november. at first i thought i'd make the meeting place a CD store in the mall. cuz at the end of ellen's conversation, she and the fan went somewhere together. i thought it'd be cool if you could see a movie with toma, cuz after all, he's mostly at the CD store or watching a movie/play. but first, i needed something to happen that would give you a reason to talk and hang out with toma for a while. so i thought of him forgetting his wallet!! haha. the opposite of what happens in ellen's conversation, where the fan asks to borrow money from her. haha! AND, toma has actually talked about forgetting his wallet once in an entry of tomagoto, in 2008!! haha. and he was saying he had to survive only on the change in his bag for that whole day...it's the entry Vol. 107, 5/14, u can read it at tomalicious.com (in Translations) or the tomalicious forum! he said he only had 525 yen worth of coins! which is $5.80. COINCIDENTALLY, THAT'S CLOSE TO THE ~$5.00 that i imagine he had, just enough to buy the pretzels & gashapon!!! SUUUGEH!! ^__^

but then i decided against the being in the mall idea. by then, i had already found a bunch of pics/info on tokyo malls. haha... i very nearly went with this one: http://toyosu.lalaport.jp/english/index.shtml. cuz it's huge and is next to tokyo bay, also has a movie theatre! but then....i don't like the idea of being in a mall the entire time. i don't like malls much, in general. IT'S REALLY LUCKY THAT I DECIDED AGAINST THE MALL IDEA, OR ELSE IT WOULD ONLY BE A VERY SHORT CONVERSATION WITH TOMA!!

i wanted the cd store to be a kinda small one, outside...and since i saw a lot of pics of the aoyama theatre cuz of Grease fan reports, and the theatre has a website in eng. with a nice description of its surroundings (10 min.s f/ the shibuya station, across the st. from aoyama university), i picked that as the 2nd location, where u would see a play with toma. =) also, was able to find other websites that talked about/had pics of the theatre. the info of the theatre's surroundings, i was able to think up more things that would happen...

really, i only meant to write about what u say to him in the cd store and on the way to/from the theatre. so though it's be almost 3hrs that u're with him (minus the ~2hrs), then really, it would only be around 30-40minutes that i'd have to write for.....but then, all these ideas/situations kept appearing in my mind.....haha.....and in the end, i had to lengthen it to almost 4 hrs!!

i started a seperate blog cuz i wanted to link to pics/websites and use diff color text and all...i didn't want it to be just a long boring looking text document that u would have to download....so i started it at the start of dec or close to mid-december.... but if u go to my profile, it links to it too...so just in case any1 sees it, i used the code name "close to 3 hrs". and it was all blank until last week, when i started to add the clock, miriam's song, etc. to it...

i had a lot of ideas, but i only started writing a little each day till around the start of december, probably...i didn't think it'd take me that long to write! i was sure i could finish around the middle of december and post it up and surprise every1 be4 xmas. cuz i figure, u would only see toma before christmas, when u're still there on holiday. and somehow, i figure toma would be more busy after xmas...

i really wanted THE DAY u meet him to be around dec. 16, 17 or especially 18 (THIS IS WHY THE DATE OF THESE 2 POSTS IS DEC. 18....I REALLY WANTED TO KEEP THAT DATE SOMEHOW, EVEN IF IT'S ONLY THE DATE OF THE POST...I WANTED TO REMEMBER THE DAY I ORIGINALLY WANTED TO MEET TOMA ON.... cuz the 19th, it's a friday, probably be super-crowded at night...btw, dec. 18, 2005 was when toma was mr.x and sang "white christmas" on the Shounen Club show!! =) but in the end, i could only (barely) post it up in time for 3.19pm, dec. 22 (JST)! well, i posted it all up, but there were no pics then (only linked to them) and i was still editing the end of the story. haha...checking 4 spelling/grammar errors...and i forgot to post the link right away to the blog!! i remembered about 10 minutes later, but then i had trouble connecting to the internet!! so probably around 20 minutes after 3.19pm JST, i posted the link to the blog at TL!. but i didn't really have to worry, cuz no1 was online then!! haha...but then i remembered i had to change the blog name and url to 4 instead of 3 hrs, and so i changed it then. so i dunno if any1 actually came on that day, since the cluster map was for the old URL! haha....since no1 was there right then, i went ahead and edited some more and posted up pics...the next day, i edited it some more. even yesterday, i still remembered i had to edit somethings (i put it in grey text...just some minor things, like added the sunrise/sunset times...).

ummm...the rest of this, i'll just keep it simple and talk about things randomly, in no particular order. haha. to make things easier for me:

========================================
===============================================

--when i was thinking of it being a short conversation, i actually considered making 3 multiple choice answers 4 some parts of the conversation, so the reader can choose diff. responses (for both toma and yourself), what u/he would say!!! thank goodness i quickly decided to not do that. haha!! that would've been cool, but time-consuming...

--so in case u were wondering...u met him at 3:19pm. u start walking off after he winks at u...that's probably 7:03...so you were with toma for a total of 3 hrs and 44 minutes! [224 minutes or 13,440 seconds]

-- me, not you!! ...had a lot of trouble with this at first. instead of writing me/I in the descriptions, i'd write it "you". my mindset, it was really like that a first...this is for YOU (and me as well)....like that...so i'd keep writing 'you' and having to go back and fix it!! haha...later, though, i'd remember....i think writing it I/me, really slowly made me think of it more as a journal/diary/blog i was writing...so i started to forget sometimes and imagine it only as me who saw him and how i'd react/what i'd say...after all, I am the person writing...sorry....haha...paige was saying she kept thinking of it more as a "kate meets toma" story rather than a "[anyone] meets toma" story.

I REALLY HOPE THAT'S NOT TRUE FOR MOST OF YOU!! I REALLY MEANT FOR THIS STORY TO BE LIKE...A STORY FOR EVERYONE TO THINK OF AS THEIR OWN...IMAGINE IT AS IF IT'S REALLY U THAT MET TOMA. ^__^ after i finished (i only finished on the same day i posted it up...spent quite a long time editing...), i did realize this problem, and tried to fix it...but i could only fix it to a certain extent...

-- i really did change the story a lot...even the conversation between me and the friend, i changed, like...3 or more times. haha! at first it was too boring/too "kate-ish", so i kept changing...and editing. EDIT, EDIT, EDIT, MORE EDITING!!! even just today, i added some minor things to the story (also in gray text)....keep thinking of some things i wanna change/add....haha...

-- i really had certain fav words/quotes from tv shows i wanted to stick in there somewhere. the seinfeld line, "These pretzels are making me thirsty" is one that i HAD to get in there. haha...and it ended up letting me write in some funny/important dialogue later! lol...when u were jealous and toma DID buy his own pretzels and that's when i thought of him giving you a gashapon!! LUCKY, cuz that was a cute part of the story, actually getting an xmas gift f/toma!!! a cute angry anime girl, too. lol. actually, that reminds me. i'm gonna go back and add in there somewhere, conan o'brien's fav nonsense word, "jub jub". xD it has no meaning, he just likes to say it sometimes, especially after an awkward silence. lol...

--I REALLY HAVE TO THANK THE MARMALADE BOY (anime) MOVIE for the surprise ending!! [well, were u surprised?? i hope u were!! but i made it kinda obvious that he liked you, though, right? haha...sorry, i couldn't help myself...but i did try to conceal it a little...giving explanations or making him shy, like embarassed/shy in front of a fan, not necessarily cuz he likes u...]

actually, from all the movies/dramas/shows i've watched, i've probably taken some ideas from them ne...but i really did try to avoid the cheesy moments that i've seen a million times in tvb dramas....such as him grabbing her hand to cross the street in a hurry. or...there were other things i could've done, but i didn't. just can't think of more examples now. haha!

and the part where he fixed your hair, that i got the idea mainly f/the x-files show. there were a lot of times that mulder would carefully/sweetly brush back her bangs to the side for her...THAT WAS LIKE A BIG BIG DEAL, each time he did that, for us, the fans. hahaha.

and i got a lot of ideas from hana kimi/nakatsu. haha...i'm sure u noticed!]

anyway, back to marmalade boy!! i watched that anime when i was around 16 or 17. and i liked it a lot, though it was at times too dramatic/angst-y for me. but still, it had a big effect on me, i had a crush on yuu and liked to think of myself as miki sometimes. lol. well, they had a movie after it ended where it turns out that yuu actually saw her FIRST and liked her before she even knew him!!! that was such a cool twist to the story!!!!!! ......well, i was thinking of a way to explain why toma's so nice to you (BESIDES THAT YOU'RE SUCH A CUTE AND AWESOME PERSON. haha!) AND BINGO, I REMEMBERED THAT MOVIE!! so it ends up...toma was already at the cd store since around maybe 2:30pm, let's say...and when he saw u, it's around 3pm. so he saw u around 19 minutes before u saw him. not enough time to LIKE someone, but i'm imagining since he saw u in such a dramatic way (running in the heavy rain, with lightning, too!!) and u helped those ppl, and u were wet, all those things combined to make him really notice you! and it would be creepy/funny if he was just staring at you for like, an hour or something, right? lol. even if it's toma. besides, toma's not the kinda guy to be THAT shy!

--so...what do u think of my segues? great, right?? haha...i really tried to make things go smoothly by linking certain things to the next...i was always good at that kinda thing back in school. hehe...have to make the story go smoothly f/this part to the next...change the topic smoothly...English class has always been one of my best subjects. i really do like to write. =) and i'm pretty good at it, too!! heehee.

--------------------------------------------
-- after i decided on the ending, i went back and tried to put in some things that he said would make him like a girl in the MAKE IKUTA TOMA FALL IN LOVE IN 10 DAYS article here:
http://kll-tcs.livejournal.com/1448.html?view=9128#t9128. haha...

the reason i had yr friend call was mainly 4 toma to know u like maou, a segue to talk about maou, other dramas. but also cuz i think it's funny when u're doing something important/with someone you like, and suddenly someone calls to bother you. haha. but then, in this case, it's good to let toma see your normal side, your casual talk w/friends side. =) though u're so shy when talking to him.

and he likes natural, genuine girls. that are nice and considerate!! that's why i knew i had to think of something nice of u to do that would get his attention... =) but i wanted it to be something simple, that most of you would probably do anyway, in a situation like that. if i really was there and i saw the woman w/all the bags and kids, i would open the door 4 her, yes. and if she dropped her things, i'd help her pick it up. i'm already wet anyway. haha.

ahh, i like soft scarfs too, toma! and i have a black knit scarf that i've been wearing a lot since it got cold...THIS IS ANOTHER REASON 4 THE COLD WEATHER. I WANTED IT TO BE COLD ENOUGH SO THAT U WOULD WEAR A SCARF. AT FIRST JUST CUZ I LIKE SCARFS, and so does toma, but later, it became an important part of the story ne!

he likes plain texts...so that's why i didn't include any emoticon in his text. I SOOOOO WANTED TO PUT A HEART IN THERE, BUT I THOUGHT, "NAH, IT'S TOO SOON!!"

lol, toma is hilarious...he likes girls that talk to him like that?? i guess when girls say they love u and scream when seeing u all the time, u start to like the girls that do the opposite and are quite cold towards you... THAT'S TOTALLY ME, THOUGH, I MEAN HOW I ANSWER MY PHONE!! LOL. "hi. what is it?/what do u want/need?" seriously!! xD

going to a movie 4 a date? well, a play is almost the same thing. =) and of course in my story, u and toma agree on how the play shoulda ended w/the couples staying together!! LOVE IS UNCONDITIONAL!!

haha, i got the idea for the fight kinda f/here!! i thought it would be awesome to actually have a fight and yell at toma. haha...just as if u were really dating...u go thru all kinds of stuff w/toma...in your fantasy, u 2 already had a lot of romantic moments, even getting married and having kids!! so why not have yr first argument too. haha!

yes, it's just like toma to need a lot of time to think things over be4 telling a girl he likes her. but of course, i figure any toma fan would want to say they really really like him/love him straight out, as soon as they meet him!! ....but for toma's part, in my story, it's not like he REALLY LIKES u already after seeing u help that lady and everything else that happens...but it's more like he kinda likes u and maybe in the future...but definitely 4 now, he wants to be yr friend first....like that...umm...yeah. haha. i like to leave it open-ended like that. though i know it made it seem like he LIKES you in the story, but really...everything he does can also be seen as just being friendly and nice, right? well, it's your story after all, u can interpret it however u like!! but that's just how I think of it as i wrote it...
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-- ALSO, SHIBUYA WAS PROBABLY A LOT MORE CROWDED. it's crowded all the time, i've read...but on a monday afternoon and after it's been raining....it's possible that it's less crowded cuz of that, right??? BUT REALLY, I REALLY DID TRY TO MAKE MOST THINGS ACCURATE TO REAL LIFE!!! SO MUCH THAT I ALMOST FEEL LIKE IT'S POSSIBLE TO RE-ENACT IT. haha...if i'm ever in tokyo...haha. (btw, got the COOLEST XMAS GIFT F/MY BEST BUDDY YESTERDAY, A REALLY PRETTY GOLD-COLORED JAPAN/NIPPON KEYCHAIN F/THE TOKYO AIRPORT!!! THANK U SO MUCH, MINNA-CHAN!! her name is minna. ~_~)

------------------------------

--check out the TOKYO MIDTOWN MALL in roppongi!! it is almost like a cool hotel! very classy and beautiful, but very expensive stuff. that's why i said "window shop"!! haha. check out some pics here or search for it by name at flickr. so cool! really wanted to meet toma here, but then it doesn't make sense, doesn't look like a place where u'd find a small/quaint cd store. more like for really expensive clothing stores.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/benlee123/sets/72157602494085598/
["Shots of Tokyo Midtown in Roppongi. It's a mixed-use complex that is now gaining popularity in Tokyo and comprises of a shopping Mall, office buildings, residences and hotel ( Ritz Carlton ).The Midtown Mall in particular is a very upscale and beautiful shopping mall. The design and materials used rivals that of any 5-star hotels. It's one of the most beautiful places I have seen in Tokyo."]

http://www.flickr.com/photos/joe-joe/2646327086/
[THE MIDTOWN mall. less trendy. less ppl.] (this was a note to myself...haha. also found a lot of pics of the Roppongi Hills mall, but it's nothing special, just a huge mall. also full of expensive stuff stores.)]
http://www.flickr.com/photos/stephendavidsmith/2316152344/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/matsubokkuri/450597496/ [blurry & bright]
http://www.flickr.com/photos/sirintira/2354611748/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/mja008/1303752086/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/paul-in-japan/2360495447/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/m1a9366b/504229716/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/stephendavidsmith/2316149886/ [view f the bottom]

--------------------------

---remember me saying, on the Saturday, December 13, 2008 post, that:
"actually~ i don't feel like telling u why this time. haha.
but i def~initely was doing something impor~tant. hai~"

i was late posting that day cuz i was writing this story. i don't like to stop in the middle of writing, wanna keep the momentum going/ideas flowing, so that's why! why i was acting slightly mysteriously that day. that and that alone, was the reason! =P

--from the start, i wanted to first think of what clothes we're wearing. i'm so obsessed with details, u know, it's just how i am, i need details. and i need A LOT. hahaha. for a long time, i thought of toma wearing those cool black thick-rimmed glasses. but seriously...i would rather see him without them, this being like a one-time opportunity, i'd want to see him at his cutest, right? haha...and for a while, i pictured myself wearing some kinda girly, showing my knees outfit, but then even in a fantasy, i can't seriously picture myself wearing that, in the cold, and anyways, i am a jeans & t-shirt girl all the way, so i changed it so that you/me are wearing anything comfortable/warm/pretty!

--at first, it was really stupid, the questions i came up with that you would ask toma and that he would actually reply. cuz in ellen's conversation, it was a little crazy like that...it really was a fantasy. but i couldn't go thru with it...i have to try and make things kinda make sense/possibly happen in real life!! that's what made it harder...i had to actually think back to all the interviews i've read/all the tv shows/dramas toma has been on...think of his personality, his gestures, etc, and how he would respond to certain questions/compliments/etc....and try to recreate it in a realistic way, in this story...i hope i made him believable enough (besides that he kinda likes you. haha...).

--trying to make the story make sense in real life meant that i had to do some research on locations of places in tokyo and that took quite some time....even something like would a foreign cell phone work there, i thought of that!! and they mostly don't!! luckily u can still rent them, else i couldn't use that ringtone segue. but i'm glad i did all the research and pics search, it really helped me picture everything in my head...made this more real and even gave me ideas of what to write next sometimes!! like that gashapon...i was just looking for random gashapon, when i came across that one!! LOL. a cute but angry girl. i immediately thought of toma saying "that's you"!! and i did make myself LOL right then!! haha...really, sometimes, it's just dumb luck that helped me out a lot in writing this!!

BUT REALLY...IT WAS FUN!! I LEARNED MORE ABOUT TOKYO/JAPAN....ALMOST FEELS AS IF IT COULD REALLY HAPPEN TO ME...AND IT'S FUN TO IMAGINE MYSELF AT CERTAIN PLACES IN TOKYO...LIKE THE TOKYO TOWER! looking at all the photos and learning about these places, it really makes the story seem more real, right? =]

--i would just make myself laugh/smile/sad sometimes, as i wrote this!! it's a weird/funny feeling to laugh at your own jokes, i'll tell u that! :D proudly thinking to myself "hey, that part was REALLY GOOD!!" 1 of my fav parts is the ending accidental hug, which i actually thought up right after i thought of using the marmalade boy idea, of "he saw her first". cuz of course, knowing he kinda noticed/liked u first would send u into shock, and u'd be weak-kneed!! u'd easily fall... (a running gag from the start. haha...) and he'd stop u and u'd almost be hugging!! i was actually outside at night taking a walk in the backyard right then, and I WAS SO SO HAPPY I THOUGHT THAT UP, I WAS SMILING SO MUCH, THINKING OF HUGGING TOMA LIKE THAT...JUST THINKING ABOUT IT...IT MIGHT HAVE MADE ME BLUSH??? lol!! and that night, the sky was so pretty, the stars really bright, with only some left-over white soft rain clouds floating by...ahhh, it really felt romantic...actually, i did a lot of brainstorming at night, outside, while looking at the night sky and in the cold air...i can think better when i'm outside, in the cold...everything is clear and fresh and cold...so u can imagine...kate really feeling the coldness described in the story!! ah, it was really scary cold sometimes...but i like it.

--i was really lucky, the weather here was almost the same as i imagined it'd be in tokyo. cuz i had checked the weather before i started writing, and they said it'd be cold and rainy! not as cold as 48 degrees F (9 deg. C), i think, but since the beginning, i wanted it to be cold, like less than 10 degrees C, cuz i had read that in december, tokyo's weather is often 10 degrees or less...and anyway, i LOVE cold weather. yeah~ i'm the ice girl that still has the window open when it's freezing/raining...haha. so that really helped me get in like "tokyo mode" while writing. =D
but in the end, tokyo's weather warmed up to around 50-60 that day...and it was raining at night. but it's THANKS TO THIS WEATHER REPORT FROM EARLY ON, SAYING IT WOULD RAIN [though i kept checking...later they said it wouldn't rain...but in the end, it rained at night that day...], cuz it helped me imagine the pretty sky after the rain clouds part, and mention that toma's a sunshine boy =P and OF COURSE, THINK OF HOW TOMA FIRST SAW YOU WHEN IT WAS RAINING!! ANOTHER REASON FOR THE COLD WEATHER IS CUZ BEING W/TOMA, I'M SURE YOU'D BE NERVOUS & A LITTLE WARM!!! THUS, THE COLD WEATHER WOULD HELP U COOL/CALM DOWN AND EVEN IF U BLUSH, IT WOULD BE HARD TO TELL, CUZ IT'S SO COLD RIGHT?? yeah!! =)

-- also, some things were pulled f/my real life...like the necklace w/the loose clasp, like the almost going in the wrong restroom! that happened to me! but it was in a casino in las vegas a couple yrs ago. i had just seen my fav hk singer walk into a restaurant i was staking out w/ some other fans, and i got so excited...but i needed to go to the restroom, and i ran to one right near there. but it was the kind where they don't have doors, only 2 big openings right next to each other! they looked almost identical...i almost ran into the men's side, but i noticed the writing/figure in time! haha. luckily, it was the kind where u have to go thru a small hall-like thing then u get to the sinks, then the toilets are way behind all that anyway...one of those really huge places...that was embarassing then, funny now. hahaha... i THINK i only barely went inside the hall-like place enough to kinda see a man standing at the sink...i think he saw me too. hahaha...sorry, sir! didn't mean to scare you!

-- i love love love miriam's "simple love" (gan ngoi) song. it's actually f/2005, but it's such a sweet song, and i love the ticking of the clock...it's really time-related cuz he doesn't spend enough time with her...and how she repeats some of the words---it sounds cute and it's easy 2 sing along with. and so i knew it was the perfect song to go with this story!! i love the lyrics and the MV too, how it kinda goes with the theme of my story...only have a certain amount of time to spend with each other....and some of the lyrics are so perfect 4 my story!! like looking at the xmas lights together, the hug...and i got the idea of inserting the TIME at certain parts from the MV!! =) it's a good thing too, cuz it's so long, u might have to read it several sittings, then this will help u remember the place u read to...haha.

also, the SNOW EXPRESS song, i only looked up the lyrics translation yesterday, it's such a perfect song to end the story with!! check out the lyrics and you'll see!! oh, it's from 2007 but only recently was released on CD! CHECK OUT THE REALLY ROMANTIC/CUTE LYRICS!! i posted the translated to eng. lyrics as a comment at the imeem song page! ah, i really LOVE IT!!! and the parts about hugging so tight there's no space between us, and about time stopping!! SUGOI!!

-- i had said that pretend i printed it out and wrapped it up for u...but i found out, in the end, the super long story...it's 37 pages long! whew...only if i printed it out like a book would it fit in that small gift box! haha....what do you know...in a way, i wrote a book...haha....

--- IF ANYONE HAPPENS TO HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO...u can try re-reading it to see if u can catch the moments that gives u clues of what will happen later...foreshadowing, kinda!! [i mentioned the scarf, opening doors a lot, for example!] maybe cuz i love MONK....after i decided that the end was gonna be like that, before i continued writing (was in the middle of the story by then) i had to go back and change things slightly or add some things....to kinda hint at what will happen....so in the end, u can kinda think back and say...OH, SO THAT'S WHY HE WAS LIKE THAT IN THAT PART...something like that...haha. i tried, anyway......hopefully it kinda worked....

-- about the smoking/red bull stuff....haha...sorry. couldn't resist nagging a little....but i really do wish toma would quit!! i don't even know if he smokes a lot or not...hopefully not a lot.

-- for myself, it took me around 3 hrs to read thru the whole thing! but i was also editing some stuff, so maybe it'll take everyone else around 2.5 hours... wow!! 2.5 out of almost 4....not bad! haha...i don't think i've ever written such long fan fiction before....but this one is certainly my best! actually, i've only written fan fiction once or twice before...haha.

-- i wish i didn't have to use the word smile so much...haha....i kept using it over and over...but then toma does smile a lot, right....and i'd smile a lot too, if i could spend the day with him!