details of kate's writing process... / a "making-of"!

...i'll post it up soon! =)
sleepy now... (yawns!)

....12.23.2008, 6.18pm: COMING SOON...

........sorry!
will post up a "making-of" tomorrow/today (dec.24).
it's late.
sleep. now.
write. later.

good night!!

.......(12.25.08 HAPPY FESTIVUS! =P)
gomen ne, i couldn't finish it in time yesterday...
but~ finally today!

and~ it's also quite long...

[3.22.2009 edit: forgot to post the link to the post where i talk more about how i came up w/this story and when i actually gave everyone the link to read this story at TL! here it is:
http://ikutatomalove.blogspot.com/2008/12/sss.html]

well, it all started back when i, one day back in october, probably...maybe after reading another fan's message for toma at Dear Toma... (or the guestbook linked there) saying she wants to meet him...i thought of the "your own fantasy conversation with ellen degeneres" chapter in her book, MY POINT, AND I DO HAVE ONE. i say chapter, but really, it was just a few pages. and she left most of it blank, so u can fill in what u want to say. haha...and i thought it'd be fun to write a post like that, just a short conversation...but i never got around to it....then by november, when i was trying to think of an xmas gift i could give everyone here...i remembered that idea i had! and so i decided i'll just make it a 10-15 min. conversation, probably...and i officially announced it then/here:

http://ikutatomalove.blogspot.com/2008/11/end-revenge-remorse-and-retribution.html
"GOOD NEWS:
though i've been brainstorming a lot, i can't think of anything we can make together for toma for christmas....BUT i've thought of a christmas present for all my loyal readers here!! i'm gonna "make" it... and no matter where u live, whether u're a girl/guy, young/older, longtime toma fan/new fan, u will like it. NO, YOU'LL LOVE IT!! =P *i think.* but i don't want to give anything away, it's a SURPRISE! i'll "give" it to you on christmas day!! ^__^ please look forward to it!! ~_~
.....actually, it's not THAT good, so please don't have too high expectations for it! haha. and NO, it's not a message from toma (I WISH!) or airplane tickets to tokyo so u can try to meet toma! lol. wouldn't that be the ABSOLUTELY best gifts for ANY toma fan?? hahaha.

anyway~
i hope you'll all like it. even if u don't, please don't re-gift and remember it's the thought that counts and please don't be too disappointed ne! hahaha~
seriously, though, it's just something from me to you, to thank you for coming here, and for all your nice comments. whenever i see that the cluster map's "visits on previous day" number is high or i read your warm & kind & sweet & funny comments/messages (whether here or at Dear Toma...) for me or toma, it really makes me HAPPY! *__*"

SO~ i started to think about how i'd write it and searching for pics of locations since the end of november. at first i thought i'd make the meeting place a CD store in the mall. cuz at the end of ellen's conversation, she and the fan went somewhere together. i thought it'd be cool if you could see a movie with toma, cuz after all, he's mostly at the CD store or watching a movie/play. but first, i needed something to happen that would give you a reason to talk and hang out with toma for a while. so i thought of him forgetting his wallet!! haha. the opposite of what happens in ellen's conversation, where the fan asks to borrow money from her. haha! AND, toma has actually talked about forgetting his wallet once in an entry of tomagoto, in 2008!! haha. and he was saying he had to survive only on the change in his bag for that whole day...it's the entry Vol. 107, 5/14, u can read it at tomalicious.com (in Translations) or the tomalicious forum! he said he only had 525 yen worth of coins! which is $5.80. COINCIDENTALLY, THAT'S CLOSE TO THE ~$5.00 that i imagine he had, just enough to buy the pretzels & gashapon!!! SUUUGEH!! ^__^

but then i decided against the being in the mall idea. by then, i had already found a bunch of pics/info on tokyo malls. haha... i very nearly went with this one: http://toyosu.lalaport.jp/english/index.shtml. cuz it's huge and is next to tokyo bay, also has a movie theatre! but then....i don't like the idea of being in a mall the entire time. i don't like malls much, in general. IT'S REALLY LUCKY THAT I DECIDED AGAINST THE MALL IDEA, OR ELSE IT WOULD ONLY BE A VERY SHORT CONVERSATION WITH TOMA!!

i wanted the cd store to be a kinda small one, outside...and since i saw a lot of pics of the aoyama theatre cuz of Grease fan reports, and the theatre has a website in eng. with a nice description of its surroundings (10 min.s f/ the shibuya station, across the st. from aoyama university), i picked that as the 2nd location, where u would see a play with toma. =) also, was able to find other websites that talked about/had pics of the theatre. the info of the theatre's surroundings, i was able to think up more things that would happen...

really, i only meant to write about what u say to him in the cd store and on the way to/from the theatre. so though it's be almost 3hrs that u're with him (minus the ~2hrs), then really, it would only be around 30-40minutes that i'd have to write for.....but then, all these ideas/situations kept appearing in my mind.....haha.....and in the end, i had to lengthen it to almost 4 hrs!!

i started a seperate blog cuz i wanted to link to pics/websites and use diff color text and all...i didn't want it to be just a long boring looking text document that u would have to download....so i started it at the start of dec or close to mid-december.... but if u go to my profile, it links to it too...so just in case any1 sees it, i used the code name "close to 3 hrs". and it was all blank until last week, when i started to add the clock, miriam's song, etc. to it...

i had a lot of ideas, but i only started writing a little each day till around the start of december, probably...i didn't think it'd take me that long to write! i was sure i could finish around the middle of december and post it up and surprise every1 be4 xmas. cuz i figure, u would only see toma before christmas, when u're still there on holiday. and somehow, i figure toma would be more busy after xmas...

i really wanted THE DAY u meet him to be around dec. 16, 17 or especially 18 (THIS IS WHY THE DATE OF THESE 2 POSTS IS DEC. 18....I REALLY WANTED TO KEEP THAT DATE SOMEHOW, EVEN IF IT'S ONLY THE DATE OF THE POST...I WANTED TO REMEMBER THE DAY I ORIGINALLY WANTED TO MEET TOMA ON.... cuz the 19th, it's a friday, probably be super-crowded at night...btw, dec. 18, 2005 was when toma was mr.x and sang "white christmas" on the Shounen Club show!! =) but in the end, i could only (barely) post it up in time for 3.19pm, dec. 22 (JST)! well, i posted it all up, but there were no pics then (only linked to them) and i was still editing the end of the story. haha...checking 4 spelling/grammar errors...and i forgot to post the link right away to the blog!! i remembered about 10 minutes later, but then i had trouble connecting to the internet!! so probably around 20 minutes after 3.19pm JST, i posted the link to the blog at TL!. but i didn't really have to worry, cuz no1 was online then!! haha...but then i remembered i had to change the blog name and url to 4 instead of 3 hrs, and so i changed it then. so i dunno if any1 actually came on that day, since the cluster map was for the old URL! haha....since no1 was there right then, i went ahead and edited some more and posted up pics...the next day, i edited it some more. even yesterday, i still remembered i had to edit somethings (i put it in grey text...just some minor things, like added the sunrise/sunset times...).

ummm...the rest of this, i'll just keep it simple and talk about things randomly, in no particular order. haha. to make things easier for me:

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===============================================

--when i was thinking of it being a short conversation, i actually considered making 3 multiple choice answers 4 some parts of the conversation, so the reader can choose diff. responses (for both toma and yourself), what u/he would say!!! thank goodness i quickly decided to not do that. haha!! that would've been cool, but time-consuming...

--so in case u were wondering...u met him at 3:19pm. u start walking off after he winks at u...that's probably 7:03...so you were with toma for a total of 3 hrs and 44 minutes! [224 minutes or 13,440 seconds]

-- me, not you!! ...had a lot of trouble with this at first. instead of writing me/I in the descriptions, i'd write it "you". my mindset, it was really like that a first...this is for YOU (and me as well)....like that...so i'd keep writing 'you' and having to go back and fix it!! haha...later, though, i'd remember....i think writing it I/me, really slowly made me think of it more as a journal/diary/blog i was writing...so i started to forget sometimes and imagine it only as me who saw him and how i'd react/what i'd say...after all, I am the person writing...sorry....haha...paige was saying she kept thinking of it more as a "kate meets toma" story rather than a "[anyone] meets toma" story.

I REALLY HOPE THAT'S NOT TRUE FOR MOST OF YOU!! I REALLY MEANT FOR THIS STORY TO BE LIKE...A STORY FOR EVERYONE TO THINK OF AS THEIR OWN...IMAGINE IT AS IF IT'S REALLY U THAT MET TOMA. ^__^ after i finished (i only finished on the same day i posted it up...spent quite a long time editing...), i did realize this problem, and tried to fix it...but i could only fix it to a certain extent...

-- i really did change the story a lot...even the conversation between me and the friend, i changed, like...3 or more times. haha! at first it was too boring/too "kate-ish", so i kept changing...and editing. EDIT, EDIT, EDIT, MORE EDITING!!! even just today, i added some minor things to the story (also in gray text)....keep thinking of some things i wanna change/add....haha...

-- i really had certain fav words/quotes from tv shows i wanted to stick in there somewhere. the seinfeld line, "These pretzels are making me thirsty" is one that i HAD to get in there. haha...and it ended up letting me write in some funny/important dialogue later! lol...when u were jealous and toma DID buy his own pretzels and that's when i thought of him giving you a gashapon!! LUCKY, cuz that was a cute part of the story, actually getting an xmas gift f/toma!!! a cute angry anime girl, too. lol. actually, that reminds me. i'm gonna go back and add in there somewhere, conan o'brien's fav nonsense word, "jub jub". xD it has no meaning, he just likes to say it sometimes, especially after an awkward silence. lol...

--I REALLY HAVE TO THANK THE MARMALADE BOY (anime) MOVIE for the surprise ending!! [well, were u surprised?? i hope u were!! but i made it kinda obvious that he liked you, though, right? haha...sorry, i couldn't help myself...but i did try to conceal it a little...giving explanations or making him shy, like embarassed/shy in front of a fan, not necessarily cuz he likes u...]

actually, from all the movies/dramas/shows i've watched, i've probably taken some ideas from them ne...but i really did try to avoid the cheesy moments that i've seen a million times in tvb dramas....such as him grabbing her hand to cross the street in a hurry. or...there were other things i could've done, but i didn't. just can't think of more examples now. haha!

and the part where he fixed your hair, that i got the idea mainly f/the x-files show. there were a lot of times that mulder would carefully/sweetly brush back her bangs to the side for her...THAT WAS LIKE A BIG BIG DEAL, each time he did that, for us, the fans. hahaha.

and i got a lot of ideas from hana kimi/nakatsu. haha...i'm sure u noticed!]

anyway, back to marmalade boy!! i watched that anime when i was around 16 or 17. and i liked it a lot, though it was at times too dramatic/angst-y for me. but still, it had a big effect on me, i had a crush on yuu and liked to think of myself as miki sometimes. lol. well, they had a movie after it ended where it turns out that yuu actually saw her FIRST and liked her before she even knew him!!! that was such a cool twist to the story!!!!!! ......well, i was thinking of a way to explain why toma's so nice to you (BESIDES THAT YOU'RE SUCH A CUTE AND AWESOME PERSON. haha!) AND BINGO, I REMEMBERED THAT MOVIE!! so it ends up...toma was already at the cd store since around maybe 2:30pm, let's say...and when he saw u, it's around 3pm. so he saw u around 19 minutes before u saw him. not enough time to LIKE someone, but i'm imagining since he saw u in such a dramatic way (running in the heavy rain, with lightning, too!!) and u helped those ppl, and u were wet, all those things combined to make him really notice you! and it would be creepy/funny if he was just staring at you for like, an hour or something, right? lol. even if it's toma. besides, toma's not the kinda guy to be THAT shy!

--so...what do u think of my segues? great, right?? haha...i really tried to make things go smoothly by linking certain things to the next...i was always good at that kinda thing back in school. hehe...have to make the story go smoothly f/this part to the next...change the topic smoothly...English class has always been one of my best subjects. i really do like to write. =) and i'm pretty good at it, too!! heehee.


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-- after i decided on the ending, i went back and tried to put in some things that he said would make him like a girl in the MAKE IKUTA TOMA FALL IN LOVE IN 10 DAYS article here:
http://kll-tcs.livejournal.com/1448.html?view=9128#t9128. haha...

the reason i had yr friend call was mainly 4 toma to know u like maou, a segue to talk about maou, other dramas. but also cuz i think it's funny when u're doing something important/with someone you like, and suddenly someone calls to bother you. haha. but then, in this case, it's good to let toma see your normal side, your casual talk w/friends side. =) though u're so shy when talking to him.

and he likes natural, genuine girls. that are nice and considerate!! that's why i knew i had to think of something nice of u to do that would get his attention... =) but i wanted it to be something simple, that most of you would probably do anyway, in a situation like that. if i really was there and i saw the woman w/all the bags and kids, i would open the door 4 her, yes. and if she dropped her things, i'd help her pick it up. i'm already wet anyway. haha.

ahh, i like soft scarfs too, toma! and i have a black knit scarf that i've been wearing a lot since it got cold...THIS IS ANOTHER REASON 4 THE COLD WEATHER. I WANTED IT TO BE COLD ENOUGH SO THAT U WOULD WEAR A SCARF. AT FIRST JUST CUZ I LIKE SCARFS, and so does toma, but later, it became an important part of the story ne!

he likes plain texts...so that's why i didn't include any emoticon in his text. I SOOOOO WANTED TO PUT A HEART IN THERE, BUT I THOUGHT, "NAH, IT'S TOO SOON!!"

lol, toma is hilarious...he likes girls that talk to him like that?? i guess when girls say they love u and scream when seeing u all the time, u start to like the girls that do the opposite and are quite cold towards you... THAT'S TOTALLY ME, THOUGH, I MEAN HOW I ANSWER MY PHONE!! LOL. "hi. what is it?/what do u want/need?" seriously!! xD

going to a movie 4 a date? well, a play is almost the same thing. =) and of course in my story, u and toma agree on how the play shoulda ended w/the couples staying together!! LOVE IS UNCONDITIONAL!!

haha, i got the idea for the fight kinda f/here!! i thought it would be awesome to actually have a fight and yell at toma. haha...just as if u were really dating...u go thru all kinds of stuff w/toma...in your fantasy, u 2 already had a lot of romantic moments, even getting married and having kids!! so why not have yr first argument too. haha!

yes, it's just like toma to need a lot of time to think things over be4 telling a girl he likes her. but of course, i figure any toma fan would want to say they really really like him/love him straight out, as soon as they meet him!! ....but for toma's part, in my story, it's not like he REALLY LIKES u already after seeing u help that lady and everything else that happens...but it's more like he kinda likes u and maybe in the future...but definitely 4 now, he wants to be yr friend first....like that...umm...yeah. haha. i like to leave it open-ended like that. though i know it made it seem like he LIKES you in the story, but really...everything he does can also be seen as just being friendly and nice, right? well, it's your story after all, u can interpret it however u like!! but that's just how I think of it as i wrote it...
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-- ALSO, SHIBUYA WAS PROBABLY A LOT MORE CROWDED. it's crowded all the time, i've read...but on a monday afternoon and after it's been raining....it's possible that it's less crowded cuz of that, right??? BUT REALLY, I REALLY DID TRY TO MAKE MOST THINGS ACCURATE TO REAL LIFE!!! SO MUCH THAT I ALMOST FEEL LIKE IT'S POSSIBLE TO RE-ENACT IT. haha...if i'm ever in tokyo...haha. (btw, got the COOLEST XMAS GIFT F/MY BEST BUDDY YESTERDAY, A REALLY PRETTY GOLD-COLORED JAPAN/NIPPON KEYCHAIN F/THE TOKYO AIRPORT!!! THANK U SO MUCH, MINNA-CHAN!! her name is minna. ~_~)

------------------------------

--check out the TOKYO MIDTOWN MALL in roppongi!! it is almost like a cool hotel! very classy and beautiful, but very expensive stuff. that's why i said "window shop"!! haha. check out some pics here or search for it by name at flickr. so cool! really wanted to meet toma here, but then it doesn't make sense, doesn't look like a place where u'd find a small/quaint cd store. more like for really expensive clothing stores.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/benlee123/sets/72157602494085598/
["Shots of Tokyo Midtown in Roppongi. It's a mixed-use complex that is now gaining popularity in Tokyo and comprises of a shopping Mall, office buildings, residences and hotel ( Ritz Carlton ).The Midtown Mall in particular is a very upscale and beautiful shopping mall. The design and materials used rivals that of any 5-star hotels. It's one of the most beautiful places I have seen in Tokyo."]

http://www.flickr.com/photos/joe-joe/2646327086/
[THE MIDTOWN mall. less trendy. less ppl.] (this was a note to myself...haha. also found a lot of pics of the Roppongi Hills mall, but it's nothing special, just a huge mall. also full of expensive stuff stores.)]
http://www.flickr.com/photos/stephendavidsmith/2316152344/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/matsubokkuri/450597496/ [blurry & bright]
http://www.flickr.com/photos/sirintira/2354611748/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/mja008/1303752086/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/paul-in-japan/2360495447/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/m1a9366b/504229716/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/stephendavidsmith/2316149886/ [view f the bottom]

--------------------------

---remember me saying, on the Saturday, December 13, 2008 post, that:
"actually~ i don't feel like telling u why this time. haha.
but i def~initely was doing something impor~tant. hai~"

i was late posting that day cuz i was writing this story. i don't like to stop in the middle of writing, wanna keep the momentum going/ideas flowing, so that's why! why i was acting slightly mysteriously that day. that and that alone, was the reason! =P


--from the start, i wanted to first think of what clothes we're wearing. i'm so obsessed with details, u know, it's just how i am, i need details. and i need A LOT. hahaha. for a long time, i thought of toma wearing those cool black thick-rimmed glasses. but seriously...i would rather see him without them, this being like a one-time opportunity, i'd want to see him at his cutest, right? haha...and for a while, i pictured myself wearing some kinda girly, showing my knees outfit, but then even in a fantasy, i can't seriously picture myself wearing that, in the cold, and anyways, i am a jeans & t-shirt girl all the way, so i changed it so that you/me are wearing anything comfortable/warm/pretty!

--at first, it was really stupid, the questions i came up with that you would ask toma and that he would actually reply. cuz in ellen's conversation, it was a little crazy like that...it really was a fantasy. but i couldn't go thru with it...i have to try and make things kinda make sense/possibly happen in real life!! that's what made it harder...i had to actually think back to all the interviews i've read/all the tv shows/dramas toma has been on...think of his personality, his gestures, etc, and how he would respond to certain questions/compliments/etc....and try to recreate it in a realistic way, in this story...i hope i made him believable enough (besides that he kinda likes you. haha...).

--trying to make the story make sense in real life meant that i had to do some research on locations of places in tokyo and that took quite some time....even something like would a foreign cell phone work there, i thought of that!! and they mostly don't!! luckily u can still rent them, else i couldn't use that ringtone segue. but i'm glad i did all the research and pics search, it really helped me picture everything in my head...made this more real and even gave me ideas of what to write next sometimes!! like that gashapon...i was just looking for random gashapon, when i came across that one!! LOL. a cute but angry girl. i immediately thought of toma saying "that's you"!! and i did make myself LOL right then!! haha...really, sometimes, it's just dumb luck that helped me out a lot in writing this!!

BUT REALLY...IT WAS FUN!! I LEARNED MORE ABOUT TOKYO/JAPAN....ALMOST FEELS AS IF IT COULD REALLY HAPPEN TO ME...AND IT'S FUN TO IMAGINE MYSELF AT CERTAIN PLACES IN TOKYO...LIKE THE TOKYO TOWER! looking at all the photos and learning about these places, it really makes the story seem more real, right? =]

--i would just make myself laugh/smile/sad sometimes, as i wrote this!! it's a weird/funny feeling to laugh at your own jokes, i'll tell u that! :D proudly thinking to myself "hey, that part was REALLY GOOD!!" 1 of my fav parts is the ending accidental hug, which i actually thought up right after i thought of using the marmalade boy idea, of "he saw her first". cuz of course, knowing he kinda noticed/liked u first would send u into shock, and u'd be weak-kneed!! u'd easily fall... (a running gag from the start. haha...) and he'd stop u and u'd almost be hugging!! i was actually outside at night taking a walk in the backyard right then, and I WAS SO SO HAPPY I THOUGHT THAT UP, I WAS SMILING SO MUCH, THINKING OF HUGGING TOMA LIKE THAT...JUST THINKING ABOUT IT...IT MIGHT HAVE MADE ME BLUSH??? lol!! and that night, the sky was so pretty, the stars really bright, with only some left-over white soft rain clouds floating by...ahhh, it really felt romantic...actually, i did a lot of brainstorming at night, outside, while looking at the night sky and in the cold air...i can think better when i'm outside, in the cold...everything is clear and fresh and cold...so u can imagine...kate really feeling the coldness described in the story!! ah, it was really scary cold sometimes...but i like it.

--i was really lucky, the weather here was almost the same as i imagined it'd be in tokyo. cuz i had checked the weather before i started writing, and they said it'd be cold and rainy! not as cold as 48 degrees F (9 deg. C), i think, but since the beginning, i wanted it to be cold, like less than 10 degrees C, cuz i had read that in december, tokyo's weather is often 10 degrees or less...and anyway, i LOVE cold weather. yeah~ i'm the ice girl that still has the window open when it's freezing/raining...haha. so that really helped me get in like "tokyo mode" while writing. =D
but in the end, tokyo's weather warmed up to around 50-60 that day...and it was raining at night. but it's THANKS TO THIS WEATHER REPORT FROM EARLY ON, SAYING IT WOULD RAIN [though i kept checking...later they said it wouldn't rain...but in the end, it rained at night that day...], cuz it helped me imagine the pretty sky after the rain clouds part, and mention that toma's a sunshine boy =P and OF COURSE, THINK OF HOW TOMA FIRST SAW YOU WHEN IT WAS RAINING!! ANOTHER REASON FOR THE COLD WEATHER IS CUZ BEING W/TOMA, I'M SURE YOU'D BE NERVOUS & A LITTLE WARM!!! THUS, THE COLD WEATHER WOULD HELP U COOL/CALM DOWN AND EVEN IF U BLUSH, IT WOULD BE HARD TO TELL, CUZ IT'S SO COLD RIGHT?? yeah!! =)


-- also, some things were pulled f/my real life...like the necklace w/the loose clasp, like the almost going in the wrong restroom! that happened to me! but it was in a casino in las vegas a couple yrs ago. i had just seen my fav hk singer walk into a restaurant i was staking out w/ some other fans, and i got so excited...but i needed to go to the restroom, and i ran to one right near there. but it was the kind where they don't have doors, only 2 big openings right next to each other! they looked almost identical...i almost ran into the men's side, but i noticed the writing/figure in time! haha. luckily, it was the kind where u have to go thru a small hall-like thing then u get to the sinks, then the toilets are way behind all that anyway...one of those really huge places...that was embarassing then, funny now. hahaha... i THINK i only barely went inside the hall-like place enough to kinda see a man standing at the sink...i think he saw me too. hahaha...sorry, sir! didn't mean to scare you!


-- i love love love miriam's "simple love" (gan ngoi) song. it's actually f/2005, but it's such a sweet song, and i love the ticking of the clock...it's really time-related cuz he doesn't spend enough time with her...and how she repeats some of the words---it sounds cute and it's easy 2 sing along with. and so i knew it was the perfect song to go with this story!! i love the lyrics and the MV too, how it kinda goes with the theme of my story...only have a certain amount of time to spend with each other....and some of the lyrics are so perfect 4 my story!! like looking at the xmas lights together, the hug...and i got the idea of inserting the TIME at certain parts from the MV!! =) it's a good thing too, cuz it's so long, u might have to read it several sittings, then this will help u remember the place u read to...haha.

also, the SNOW EXPRESS song, i only looked up the lyrics translation yesterday, it's such a perfect song to end the story with!! check out the lyrics and you'll see!! oh, it's from 2007 but only recently was released on CD! CHECK OUT THE REALLY ROMANTIC/CUTE LYRICS!! i posted the translated to eng. lyrics as a comment at the imeem song page! ah, i really LOVE IT!!! and the parts about hugging so tight there's no space between us, and about time stopping!! SUGOI!!

-- i had said that pretend i printed it out and wrapped it up for u...but i found out, in the end, the super long story...it's 37 pages long! whew...only if i printed it out like a book would it fit in that small gift box! haha....what do you know...in a way, i wrote a book...haha....


--- IF ANYONE HAPPENS TO HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO...u can try re-reading it to see if u can catch the moments that gives u clues of what will happen later...foreshadowing, kinda!! [i mentioned the scarf, opening doors a lot, for example!] maybe cuz i love MONK....after i decided that the end was gonna be like that, before i continued writing (was in the middle of the story by then) i had to go back and change things slightly or add some things....to kinda hint at what will happen....so in the end, u can kinda think back and say...OH, SO THAT'S WHY HE WAS LIKE THAT IN THAT PART...something like that...haha. i tried, anyway......hopefully it kinda worked....

-- about the smoking/red bull stuff....haha...sorry. couldn't resist nagging a little....but i really do wish toma would quit!! i don't even know if he smokes a lot or not...hopefully not a lot.

-- for myself, it took me around 3 hrs to read thru the whole thing! but i was also editing some stuff, so maybe it'll take everyone else around 2.5 hours... wow!! 2.5 out of almost 4....not bad! haha...i don't think i've ever written such long fan fiction before....but this one is certainly my best! actually, i've only written fan fiction once or twice before...haha.

-- i wish i didn't have to use the word smile so much...haha....i kept using it over and over...but then toma does smile a lot, right....and i'd smile a lot too, if i could spend the day with him!